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7 Things You Should Stop Expecting From Other People

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Written By Drew Canole

 

“When you release expectations you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be.” – Mandy Hale

A lot of the disappointments we face in life come because of what we expect from other people. We develop these expectations from how we were raised, cultural beliefs of how people should behave, our desires, our confidence in ourself (and whether or not we expect approval from others), what we see in the media, etc.

When we recognize that our expectations may not be in alignment and probably won’t be met, we can forgo a lot of frustration and suffering. We will have more time and energy to focus on the stuff that really matters.

Letting go of expectations can be difficult. But usually once you recognize what you’re doing and see an expectation for what it is, it becomes easier to release. Try letting go of these following expectations to get started.

It’s time to stop…

#1 Expecting Other People To Agree With You

A lot of us do this subconsciously. When someone disagrees with us on something we believe, it can shock us a little and make us not want to be as open and honest anymore.

You have something to say. What you have to say matters. People don’t need to agree with you. If everyone agreed with what other people said, we would have a halt of new ideas, inspirations, beliefs and innovations.

There has been sometimes where I’ve remembered something someone said to me that I didn’t agree with for years. Then, through raw experience, I would suddenly realize that they were right all that time ago. We are all on a unique journey here on Earth and timing varies greatly from person to person.

Dare to be true to yourself and what you feel and believe. When someone disagrees with you, don’t be discouraged. Realize that we are all unique and that is what makes us beautiful. Someone not agreeing with you doesn’t mean what you had to say was incorrect and, even if it was, you will see it when the timing is right.

Live life the way YOU want to.

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#2 Expecting Respect From Other People When You Don’t Respect Yourself  

When someone is insecure about who they are they often try to seek approval from other people to make up for it. This is unhealthy for you and won’t bring you any lasting satisfaction or inner strength.

True inner strength will come when you learn to stand tall in your own shoes and hold yourself in high respect. As a child of the Universe, this is something you’ve deserved since the day you were born. None of this “I’m not good enough” nonsense. God doesn’t create mistakes. You were precious and priceless the moment you came into being and that will never change.

Every morning and night look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love and accept myself completely.”

When you are kind to yourself, you become a better friend, family member and person in general. Your love and respect towards other people will become more genuine because you’ve learned to respect yourself and that reflects in everything you do.

#3 Expecting Other People To Like (Or Approve) Of You

No matter who you are or how awesome you are or how much you try to be a good person, SOMEONE is going to criticize, belittle or hurt you. Most likely you will do this to other people as well (intentionally or not).

Do not forget your own value when this happens. Someone else’s opinion of you DOES NOT affect who you are as a child of the universe! Your worth is not affected because someone thinks ill of you.

It can be SO HARD to stay positive after someone has stomped on you and thrown you out the door. Learn to smile, hold your chin high and MOVE ON.

The ability to let go of the need of approval will bring you more freedom and inner peace than you can possibly imagine.

One of the hardest battles you will fight your entire life will be the battle to be true to yourself. Some people will be uncomfortable and negative because you are different. Most likely they are only suffering from insecurities and are battering down other people to try and make themselves feel better. Recognize this and hold on to your power!

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#4 Expecting People To Be Who You Expect Them To Be

Let’s flip to the other side of the table now.

In staying true to yourself, you desire other people to give you the love and respect to do just that. One of the most powerful things you can do for someone else is to give them this in return.

Allow others to be themselves. Sometimes we blind ourselves to who someone really is because we are constantly looking for them to live up to our own expectations of who we think they are. Take off the glasses, release these expectations, and learn to appreciate someone for who they are as a unique, organic and raw individual.

We do not know people as well as we think we do. Our eyes are always clouded by the mirror of our own experiences and understanding. Learn to let go and let people simply be and you will be more likely to receive this in return.

#5 Expecting People To Read Your Mind

There are not a lot of people out there who can read minds. In almost every instance, people will not know how you feel unless you SAY SOMETHING. This is true even of our closest friends and family members!

Learning to communicate more honestly and openly will bring you more fulfillment and happiness in relationships. There have been so many times where I’ve sat frustrated and unsettled for hours because of a need not being met by someone and then I finally decided to say something… and BOOM! They understood what I needed and helped me out and everyone felt better!

If you are unsatisfied at work, wanting a promotion, wanting to do things better but not sure how, TALK ABOUT IT.

If there is someone you really care about but they don’t know it, TELL THEM.

If you are hurting because of something someone said to you, LET THEM KNOW. Maybe they didn’t have a clue how something affects you and they will be more sensitive in the future.

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#6 Expecting People To Change

You can’t easily change the people around you, no matter what role you play in their life. Never enter a relationship (of any kind) with the expectation that things will work out because you’re convinced that the other person will eventually change that thing about them you can’t stand. In almost every case, us wanting someone to change only makes them more resistant towards change.

And if they are only changing to make YOU happy, will it really last? Most likely not.

If there are instances where a change needs to happen, lay all the cards on the table and be honest and open. This will ensure the person knows how you feel and give them an understanding as to what they need to do.

Accept people for who they are RIGHT NOW or learn to live without them. Often your acceptance, love and support are the things that will help them grow and develop the most.

#7 Expecting People To Be OK

Everyone is fighting a hard battle. Learn To Be Kind.

Behind every happy face is a person with inner struggles and suffering that are complex and extraordinary.

Yet we live in a world that expects us to be “happy”. People are pressured to put on a good face for the world and even to their close friends. It is rare to find people who are honest about what is really going on and what they really need.

Let’s create a culture where we can look into someone else’s eyes and say, “I am lost. Today is a struggle. I don’t know what I’m doing.” And they will smile and say, “Me too.” And we will be able to support and love each other in a way that wasn’t allowed before.

Make an effort to be kind.

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You are in charge of your own happiness. No one else can give it to you or take it away unless you give that power to them. Life is full of experiences that help us learn and grow. Some of them are painful but in the end they are there to bring us closer to who we are meant to be.

Become aware of the expectations you hold for other people AND for yourself. Releasing expectation and attachment and learning to “just be” and appreciate life for what it is can bring you a deeper sense of calm.

 

If you loved reading this, as much as I loved writing it… feel free to share the love on Facebook or twitter. :)

 


OAZVJgBAbout the Author

Drew Canole is a Nutrition Specialist, Transformation Specialist and national spokesperson for the benefits of juicing vegetables for health and vitality. He is the founder of Fitlife.TV where he shares “Educational, Inspirational and Entertaining” videos and articles about health, fitness, healing and longevity. Drew Canole’s transformation movement has grown to over 630,000 people, including Celebrities, CEOs, Entrepreneurs, and Development Gurus. He believes first and foremost that a person’s health comes from within and through his Whydentity process, Drew is able to create healthy and lasting change, both physically and mentally.


 

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

 

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Heyoka: The Most Powerful Type Of Empath

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Written by Robyn Iacuone
From
Spirit Science

 

What is an ‘Empath’?

An Empath is someone who has what could be a called a ‘gift’ for being able to understand the emotional state of another person. There are many kinds of empaths. Just as other gifts are used and exhibited, in many different ways, so there are different types of Empaths with certain abilities and talents.

Then there are the Heyokas.

Heyoka is a Native American term meaning “sacred clown” or “fool”. Seems an odd terminology for what we now consider to be the most powerful type of Empath.

The translation of heyoka gives us little clue into the true meaning the Native Americans tried to put behind the word. In English, it would be more appropriate to describe a Heyoka Empath as someone who sees the world differently and acts in a way that is the opposite of normal.  

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The Spirit of a Heyoka Empath

When you meet a Heyoka in person, they act as a great emotional mirror. What you see in them will show you what you must work on to grow and evolve spiritually. Connecting with a heyoka can be an emotional experience. You may leave feeling angry or leave feeling an incredible sense of love.

As an emotional mirror, whenever a Heyoka senses an emotional reaction in you, they use it as a guide of what to reflect back to you that will help you most on your journey.

Sometimes they do this unconsciously.

Say you leave a Heyoka feeling irritated and angry because of their ‘arrogance’. In reality, this is the Heyoka’s way of showing you your need to be humble.

Maybe you leave a Heyoka filled with a sense of love. The Heyoka may be trying to convey to you the importance of self-love and acceptance.

The guidance will be individualized to each person a Heyoka meets. This is what makes them so powerful. Your ability to understand what they are trying to teach you will depend on how ‘open’ your eyes are and whether or not you are tuned into your intuition.  

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Traits of a Heyoka Empath

How can you know a Heyoka when you meet one? Is it possible that YOU are one?

The traits of a Heyoka Empath vary but there are some signs that are common, including:

  • being born breach (entering the world backwards)
  • developing some traits slower than normal people and other traits incredibly fast
  • being dyslexic
  • being emotionally unpredictable
  • doing things backwards
  • outside of the box thinking
  • appearing younger than their age

A true Heyoka will never claim to be one. It is a knowledge they carry inside of them as sacred, private and unique. A heyoka can recognize another heyoka when they feel their energy. They are deeply sensitive to another’s energy (like other Empaths) and can see how emotions of various people play out and affect each other on a large scale.

In Native American tribes where Heyokas were respected and revered for their abilities, Heyokas would be the ones to open people’s eyes to new possibilities and different angles of a situation. They also had the ability to shift the energy of a group through their understanding of emotions.

In our modern society, a Heyoka may be a peacemaker or someone who is particularly good at working with people and keeping energy in a group balanced.

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The gift of the Heyoka

Heyokas help people who are stuck to see that there is more than one path in life. They are able to look at a situation and see the backwards way. They have an inept ability to change people’s lives in a single meeting by bringing them outside of society’s one-track way of thinking.

Some people say they hold the medicine for chaos.

Feeling the energy of an Empath can be both a powerful and a potentially unsettling experience. However, this disruption will never be one meant to harm or destroy, but to give us hope for growth and enlightenment.

In the eyes of a Heyoka, we will be able to see a mirror of truth and, if we are humble enough to see it, see ourself as we truly are.

 

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

 

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5 ‘Flaws’ That Just Make You More Lovable

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Written By Juliana Breines Ph.D.
From Psychology Today

You may think that people love you despite your flaws, not because of them. But some of the traits you perceive to be flaws may be more attractive than you realize.

Here are 5 that you may want to start to accept:

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1. You embarrass easily. Our visible signs of embarrassment are often more embarrassing than the event that precipitated them. Some people find these signs so humiliating that they resort to surgery to destroy the nerves responsible for blushing and sweating. But as unpleasant as embarrassment may be for those experiencing it, it turns out that other people find it appealing. In one series of studies, participants who displayed more visible signs of embarrassment while recounting an embarrassing moment were judged by observers to be more cooperative, trustworthy, and generous, and observers were more interested in spending time with them.  

Rather than signaling weakness or a lack of social skills, embarrassment seems to signal that a person values relationships and is likely to be loyal and reliable. Embarrassment-prone people may make especially good romantic partners, the researchers suggest, since they seem more likely to remain faithful.

2. You overshare. Needless to say, revealing too much personal information with the wrong people in the wrong settings can be disastrous, and having no social filter whatsoever is clearly problematic. But a tendency to err on the side of oversharing isn’t necessarily the worst thing when it comes to building new relationships and deepening existing ones. According to social penetration theory, gradually revealing personal information about oneself is an important way to develop closeness and intimacy. Getting from the superficial level to the real stuff requires a leap into uncharted territory. A moment of vulnerability, uncomfortable as it may feel at the time, can be the thing that breaks down walls and allows a more authentic relationship to grow.

In a 1997 paper, Art Aron and his colleagues found that two strangers who asked each other 36 increasingly probing questions (e.g., “If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?”), compared to those who asked the same number of small-talk questions (e.g., “What did you do this summer?”), experienced feelings of closeness after just 45 minutes. The researchers found that this effect was not dependent on participants having similar attitudes to begin with. One pair even got married six months later; and, as described in an excellent Modern Love essay, a woman who used the 36 questions with an acquaintance as a fun experiment ended up falling in love with him. 

It’s not that we can forge immediate and lasting bonds with literally anyone just by sharing intimate information. People who aren’t afraid to be vulnerable, however, create more opportunities for meaningful connection—romantic or otherwise—through their openness.

3. You like to gossip. They say that no one likes a gossip. But the research suggests otherwise. Although some types of gossip are clearly harmful, others are geared towards protecting people from harm by warning them about dangerous people or situations. Sharing information about backstabbing friends, philandering partners, or corrupt employers may seem petty, but it serves a useful function—not only does it benefit potential victims, but the threat of being the subject of negative gossip can help keep would-be exploiters in check.

Sharing this type of “prosocial” gossip with others communicates that you care about them and trust them, and that can bring you closer. Unfortunately, sharing nastier gossip can make you feel closer, too (in an “us vs. them” sort of way), but that kind of closeness is less likely to last, especially when all parties are left wondering when they might become the next victim. Being a “good” gossip requires being able to distinguish useful and benignly entertaining forms from more destructive ones.

4. You’re a klutz. When Jennifer Lawrence famously fell while attempting to walk onstage to accept her 2013 Best Actress Oscar, it just made everyone like her more. It brought her down to earth—literally—and made her seem human and relatable, despite her superstar status. If you’re someone who has a tendency to spill drinks on yourself, have food on your face without knowing it, or trip over your own feet while attempting to dance, fear not: Both Lawrence and scientific research suggest that these qualities probably endear you to others.

In the first study of a phenomenon called the pratfall effect, researchers discovered that participants liked a person who spilled coffee on themselves better than a person who didn’t spill on themselves, as long as the spiller seemed otherwise competent (as would be the case for someone like Lawrence). Blunders tend to humanize people, especially those who seem otherwise superior. As long as you’re generally capable, a mistake here and there can help others feel more comfortable around you—and more likely to acknowledge their own mistakes.

5. You’re brutally honest. Too much honesty can get you into trouble, but it also shows people they can trust you to be straight with them, even if the truth is painful. Research suggests that people who express their authentic feelings, rather than just say whatever they think others want to hear, tend to have more satisfying relationships and are happier in general. Being honest about how you feel may result in more arguments than if you just pretend everything is fine, but expressing negative emotions isn’t necessarily bad for relationships, and depending on the circumstances, can even make them stronger.

Brutal honesty may not be appropriate in all situations and with all people—knowing where to draw the line is critical—but forthright people tend to make great friends and romantic partners, not only because they don’t let us get away with bad behavior but because when they compliment us, we know they really mean it.

And what about your less endearing flaws? They might not be as bad as you think, either. Research suggests that we tend to have positive illusions about the people we love, finding ways to see virtue in their vices. Over time, these illusions can become reality. As researcher Sandra Murray put it, love seems to be “more prescient than blind,” leading people not only to seem better, but to be better.

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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The 20 Best Motivational Quotes

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Written By Susan Albers Psy.D
From Psychology Today

Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight

                                                -Buddhist Quote

This Buddhist quote is one of my favorite motivational sayings.

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A friend gave me a card (pictured) many years ago when I first started writing books.  The very first publisher I submitted my manuscript to responded with a two page letter explaining why I should never be a writer.  Ever.  It was pretty upsetting.  I wanted to quit that moment and never submit another manuscript again.  I sat discouraged at my desk and spied this quote which I had hung up on my shelf.  I remember deciding in that moment to “get back up” and try it again.  Let’s fast forward 15 years.  I’ve now published seven books (and one is a New York Times Bestseller).  It was the best lesson I ever learned.  When you fall down, it’s so important to get back up and keep going forward.  I’ve fallen down many more times—and I am sure you have too.

Fall Down Seven Times, Get Up Eight is also a motivational  quote I tell many of my clients, particularly when they are making efforts to change their eating and they slide back into old habits.  It’s okay.  It’s a good time to remember to get back up again and again until you get the hang of it.  Keep trying.  Things time take and most importantly use your missteps as teaching moments.  For example, let’s say you skip breakfast and then grab the nearest thing in the lunch room (often donuts!) when you get to work.  Rather than berating yourself and say, “I give up! I never do this right,” use it as a teaching moment to remember that skipping breakfast is the fast track to overeating. 

The take home message I want to share with you today is that quotes work because they help shape your thoughts.  Thoughts shape your actions. You control the direction of your thoughts. Find a quote that points you in the direction you want to go.

Here is a free DOWNLOAD with 20 more Motivational Quotes to help you get started eating more mindfully today and “get back up!”  Find a quote that helps to keep you moving forward, feel uplifted and truly motivated!  Click Here: https://mindfuleatingsummit.com/mindful-eating-motivation-optin/

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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10 Signs You Need to Stop Trying So Hard

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Always do your best to get everything right? Maybe that’s your problem.

 

Written By Minda Zetlin
From INC.com

Read this site often? You’re probably an overachiever, just like me and thousands of other entrepreneurs out there. That’s not a bad thing. Striving to do better work, accomplish more, get healthier, and be a better person is what makes you and your business successful.

But trying too hard all the time, especially if you’re doing it in many areas of your life at once, can lead to a very big crash. That’s what happened to Todd Patkin who joined his family auto parts business at 22, just out of college, and got used to working 80-hour weeks as the company struggled to survive. By his mid-30s, the company was a success but the long work hours had become a habit.

Other parts of his life suffered. During a motivational talk, he jumped off a table, something he had done many times before. This time, however, his feet hit a concrete floor that broke several bones and prevented him from going to the gym, a mood elevator for him. Then he and his wife lost a pregnancy. “That really affected me,” he says. “I fell deeper and deeper into the hole.”

In the grip of depression, he found himself unable to function. He and his father would drive to work each day, and Patkin would go in his office and close the door. “People may have thought I was working,” he says. Instead, he often had his head down on the desk. The moment of truth arrived when he and his father were out to lunch and a waitress offered the choice of potato salad or coleslaw. It seemed an impossible decision. “For all intents and purposes, my brain had short-circuited,” he recalls.

That experience was horribly painful, but also lucky, Patkin says now, because it forced him to reevaluate what he had been doing. With the help of medication to help lift the blackness, he set about figuring out what truly made him happy, a journey he chronicles in his book Finding HappinessCutting back on efforts and activities and looking at what was truly satisfying was the necessary first step, he says.

You may want to do the same if any of the following sounds familiar:

1. Your relationships are dragging you down.

“Give up on the relationships that aren’t working for you,” Patkin advises. “Maybe they worked for you before, back when you were in college. But now it’s 20 years later.” Ask yourself whether you enjoy being with this person, or whether the prospect of time together fills you with anxiety.

Keep in mind that the company you keep is likely to affect your whole outlook, Patkin adds. “Motivational scientists have learned that your outlook in terms of negative feelings or happiness will be the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

2. You’re always the one to step up.

If an annoying task needs doing and no one else wants to, do you always find yourself raising your hand? Cut back, at least some of the time, Patkin advises. “There should be times when you say, ‘I’ve done this five times in a row and I don’t understand why you can’t do it,'” he says. “You have to be honest.”

3. You keep working ridiculous hours.

It’s one thing to burn the midnight oil for a week or two in order to finish a major project or close an important deal. But if overly long workdays have become your norm, you must make a change.

“Work is a marathon, not a sprint–you’re going to be doing it for the rest of your life,” Patkin says. “If you’re always working 70 hours a week, what’s that doing to your health and relationships?” He acknowledges that taking time off was easier for him in his company, with family members available to cover for each other. Without that back up, it can be difficult to delegate. But it isn’t optional.

“You have to find someone and put your trust in that person to be a good No. 2, so that you can take a vacation or time off for a life event,” Patkin says. If you don’t, your business could fall into a rut. “Most people get imaginative and creative when they’re not going a zillion miles an hour.”

4. Your best is never good enough.

Perfectionism is a serious danger, Patkin warns. “I’ve had an employee say to me that he was a bad dad because he missed his son’s basketball game. I asked him how many he had been to. Turned out he’d been to 10 of the 12 games that season. I told him he was doing a lot better than most of the fathers out there.”

Although it’s human nature, it’s a very bad idea to do most things right and hyper-focus on the few you get wrong, he adds. “You have to start complimenting yourself, and feeling good for all the things you do.”

5. You’re always comparing yourself to others.

It could be someone else in your office who appears to have the perfect family, or a competing company that appears to have the perfect product. Either way, Patkin says, spending too much time worrying about what others are doing will hold you back. “It’s important for someone running a business to say to yourself, ‘If I do my own work right, I’ll be better off in the long run.'”

Besides, you never know what’s real and what’s perception. “I went to a conference once and there was a guy with a new auto parts business and no one could believe how fast he was growing,” Patkin recalls. “Two years later, he had fled the country because he was being indicted. There’s a lot of misinformation out there.”

6. You’re constantly trying to please your partner or spouse.

If you always do everything your partner wants, if you’re always the one to say “I love you,” and you don’t feel you get enough emotional support in return, then something’s out of balance and that needs to be addressed, Patkin says. He’s a believer in couples counseling, which he says can sometimes save a troubled relationship.

At the same time, he acknowledges, most entrepreneurs have the opposite problem. “In general, I think we need to focus more on our spouses,” he says. That might mean surprising him or her with flowers when it isn’t Valentine’s Day, or taking a few hours off work just to be together. Paying attention to these things will help preserve your partnership for when work crunch times can’t be avoided. “It’s like making deposits in a bank account,” he says.

7. You always put others’ needs ahead of your own.

If that describes you, watch out, Patkin warns. “There are a lot of people in our lives who depend on us and want our help, our time, and our advice,” he says. “If you care for these people, you’ll want to be accommodating.”

That’s OK, but only up to a point–sometimes you have to put your own needs first in order to be happy. “Figure out what’s important to you, and what fulfills you, and prioritize those things at least some of the time,” Patkin advises.

8. You’re obsessed with your kids’ success.

This is a tricky one, because a certain amount of concern just means you’re a caring parent. It turns into a problem when you start living vicariously through your child’s accomplishments and failures. At one time, Patkin recalls, his son was a star on his school’s basketball team. “If he scored 20 points in a game, I felt like a hero. If he scored 2 points, I felt really bad.”

Not only was this a drain on Patkin’s emotional well-being, it wasn’t so great for his son, either. “It can really mess your kids up if they feel like your love is conditional on their ability to score 20 points.”

Speaking of kids, Patkin says to forget the whole concept of “quality time.” That might work when they’re small, but if you come home from work with just an hour of time you’re planning to devote to your older children, they’re likely to roll their eyes and go back to texting their friends. But he found with his son that if he simply hung around making himself available, eventually his son would start interacting with him. “It was on his own time,” he says. “If you have teenagers, you have to be home more often, even if you’re just working at the kitchen table.”

9. You’ve signed up for an expensive gym membership that you never use.

If you’ve spent the last several years as a couch potato, don’t expect yourself to suddenly start working out three times a week. In fact, the gym industry depends on this dynamic–if every paying member of every gym showed up on a regular basis, most of them would be severely overcrowded.

So, Patkin advises, cancel that gym membership. Start with a walk around the block instead, and once you’re in that habit, maybe extend it to two blocks. “Just do whatever you’re able to stick with,” he says.

10. You have a large number of goals.

There’s nothing wrong with goals, but some people overdo it, Patkin says. “They have to have 10 percent body fat, and this much money in the bank, and every Saturday they have to do this activity.”

If this describes you, he says, it’s time to do some pruning. “You should have maybe two business goals, one or two health goals, one or two relationship goals, and perhaps one or two goals related to spirituality, which might be as simple as taking a walk in the woods.”

The main message is this: If you want to be happy, create some balance in every part of your life. After all, you’re in it for the long haul.

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

FireEmployees

10 Stupid Phrases the Worst Bosses Love to Use

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These platitudes have been used, misused, and abused–especially by terrible bosses.

 

Written By Jeff Haden
From INC.com

We all overuse certain words and phrases. (Myself definitely included: I’m guilty of ending sentences with “…so…” when I’m not sure what else to say.) That’s natural.

But if you’re a boss hoping to communicate effectively–or be taken seriously–that’s also a real problem. Platitudes aren’t just annoying. Resorting to platitudes shows you don’t want to listen, don’t want to take action…in short, don’t want to buckle down and do your job.

Like:

1. “It just wasn’t meant to be.”

Whatever happened, fate had nothing to do with it. Something went wrong. Figure out what went wrong and learn from it.

Plus, “It just wasn’t meant to be” places responsibility elsewhere, and when it’s someone else’s fault, it never gets fixed.

On the other hand, “Let’s figure out what we can do differently next time…” is empowering–and it places the responsibility where it should be: on you.

2. “That’s probably not what you want to hear.”

No doubt it sucks to hear bad news. But when you say something isn’t what I want to hear, you shift the issue over to my side of the table. Somehow the issue has become my problem.

Don’t shift. Explain why you made a decision. Explain the logic. Explain your reasoning.

I still may not want to hear it, but that way the focus remains on the issue and not on me.

3. “Work smarter, not harder.”

What happens when you say that to me? One, you imply I’m stupid. Two, you imply that whatever I am doing should take a lot less time and effort than it does. And three, after you say it, I kinda hate you.

If you know I could be more efficient, tell me how. If you know there’s a better way, show me how. If you think there’s a better way but don’t know what it is, say so. Admit you don’t have the answer. Then ask me to help you figure it out.

And most importantly, recognize that sometimes the only thing to do is to work harder…and when that’s the case, get off your butt and help me.

4. “There is no I in team.”

Sure there is. There are as many I’s as team members. Those individuals, the more “individual” the better, serve to make the team stronger. The best teams are often a funky blend of the members’ individual talents, perspectives, and goals.

If you want a team to work hard and achieve more, make sure each person feels she can not only achieve the team’s goal but also one of her own goals.

Spend time figuring out how each individual on the team can do both, instead of taking the lazy way out by simply repressing individuality in the pursuit of the collective.

5. “Perception is reality.”

Yeah, yeah, I know: How I perceive something is my version of reality, no matter how off my perception might be.

But if other people perceive a reality differently than you, work to change that perception. Make your reality everyone’s reality.

Besides, perceptions are fleeting and constantly changing. Reality lasts forever, or at least until a new reality comes along to replace it.

6. “I’m always open to feedback.”

You see and hear a similar line everywhere: websites, signs, meetings.

If you truly want feedback or input, don’t be passive. Don’t just make it easy for people to provide. Go get it. Be active.

People who really want feedback don’t wait to receive it. They take responsibility for getting the information they need.

7. “We’ll do it now and apologize later.”

Say that and you’re not a bold risk taker; you’re lazy and self-indulgent. Good ideas are rarely stifled. People naturally like “better.” People who don’t like your idea usually aren’t the problem. The problem is almost always you.

So don’t take the easy way out. Describe what you want to do. Prove it makes sense. Get people behind you.

Then, whatever you do has a much better chance of succeeding.

8. “Failure is not an option.”

This one is often used by the leader who gets frustrated and wants to shut down questions about a debatable decision or a seemingly impossible goal: “Listen, folks, failure is simply not an option,” he says, striking the table with his fist.

Failure is always a possibility. Just because you say it isn’t doesn’t make it so.

Don’t reach for a platitude to end debate. Justify your decision. Answer the hard questions.

If you can’t, maybe your decision isn’t so wise after all.

9. “Let’s not reinvent the wheel.”

Because hey, some other wheel might turn out to be a better wheel, and that means my wheel isn’t so great.

And we can’t have that.

10. “It is what it is.”

No it isn’t. “It is what it is” really means, “I’m too lazy to try to make it different, so for gosh sakes stop talking about it.”

“It is what it is” is only true if you take the easy way out by letting “it” remain “it.”

Don’t like a situation? Work to fix it.

That’s what leaders do.

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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8 Steps To Raise Your Vibration And Experience A Better Life

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Written By Jenna Barrington

“What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all have times where life isn’t clear and we feel like we’re walking through mud. Here are a few tips to help you find more happiness and fulfillment, and make it through the ups and downs!

1. Sleep

Now, for those of us who aren’t mentally on top of our game, sleep (too much or the inability to sleep at all) may be a nightly battle. A few tips to more restful sleep:

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  • Spend time earthing every day. This means getting your bare feet in contact with the ground. The earth’s energy is very healing and there is a lot of evidence that when we connect with the earth, our circadian rhythm becomes more normalized, thus helping us sleep and wake up at healthy times. You can even make or buy grounding pads to sleep on to maximize the benefits of earthing.
  • Create a good sleep environment. Cool and dark works best for most people. Try to keep your room as free of electronics as possible. There is evidence that EMF’s can be a cause of insomnia and sleeping disorders. Turn your phone on airplane mode and leave your computer in another room or away from the bed. Be aware of walls with lots of hidden wires, or smart meters on the outside wall of your bedroom.
  • Before you go to sleep, write down everything that is on your mind. List the things that are bothering you or that you’re worried about or just the thoughts that won’t leave you alone. A ‘brain dump’ so to speak, that you can leave on your nightstand to think about tomorrow.

2. Spend time outside

It is easy to hide away indoors when we are feeling ‘off,’ but going outside and spending time in nature can be soothing and very healing. Whether it’s going for a walk, playing an outdoor sport, or simply splattering yourself out on the lawn (my personal favorite,) reconnect with mother earth to find inner peace.

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3. Hang out with the right people

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“You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

Even on my lowest days, my husband always manages to poke through my walls and make me laugh. His ability to love me on any kind of day gives me safety and support that is priceless.

We are deeply entangled with the people around us. It is so important to spend our time with people who bring balance and don’t constantly drain our energy or fill us with negativity. Sometimes this means letting go of someone. Spend your time with those who lift you up, love you, and encourage you to be your true self.

4. Get in this MOMENT

“The secret to change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

In his book ‘The Screwtape Letters,’ C.S. Lewis tells of letters written from a senior Demon Screwtape to his nephew Woodworm, a junior ‘tempter.’ Woodworm is responsible for the undoing or damnation of a certain human referred to as ‘The Patient.’

One of the demons’ tactics is to keep The Patient focusing constantly on the past or future. They know that if they successfully keep him from thinking about the moment, if he is consistently stuck on things in past or future, he will never be able to accomplish what is important in the now.

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Do what it takes to let go of the past. Who you are today is more important than anything you have been, and will determine who you will be. Learn how to pull yourself back into the present.

5. Be honest

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A lot of anxiety and sadness comes when we lie to ourselves or those around us. This also applies to times when we ‘hide’ from those we love out of fear. The truth is, people who truly love us will keep loving us no matter what. It is easier in the end to be honest and upfront with those close to us than to bury ourselves behind a good face.

I heard once that we all have three selves: who we are when we’re alone, who we are when we’re with close friends/family, and who we are when we’re in the general public. The closer these three selves come together, the happier and more content we will be. We need to learn to to be true to ourselves, to be free, and to give others the same privilege.

6. Find your confidence

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When depression sets in, when anxiety wrings you dry, when you’re in a fog and just aren’t sure of anything anymore… breathe. Remember that you are a piece of the universe. You are one with the stars and the galaxies and the birds above your rain clouds. Look deep inside and find that connection with God or the Universe or Mother Earth, and know that you are not alone. This moment of dark won’t last. Feel what needs to be felt and then hold your chin up and face your demons with power. This life is yours. Though your mind and ego may seem to hold the reins, in reality they belong to you and you are the master.

7. Balance your chakras

A lot of instability emotionally comes from your energy being unbalanced. This can happen for many reasons, and is often subconscious until you pay specific attention. Balancing your chakras is an excellent way to meditate, clear muddy energy, process emotions that are stuck, and become more in tune with yourself. Here is a simple method I’ve found effective:

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1. You can do this anywhere anytime but I’ve found it is easiest if you are somewhere comfortable where you can relax. Lay down or lean back in your chair.Take some deep breaths and try to let go of external distractions. Focus on your breathing and on feeling your body.

2. Let yourself focus on your energy. It surrounds you, runs through you, and is in constant motion. It is connected with the earth and the universe and everything that is in you.

3. Start at the bottom and either physically or in your mind hold your hand over the chakra, and move it clockwise motion with the flow of energy. This is more about feeling than thinking. Focus on the flow and whether or not it feels fluid and clear. If not, focus on the imbalance. Is there physical discomfort? Thoughts or images that come up? Accept, process, and continue in motion with the energy until it is clear.

4. Move up to the next chakra and repeat. Continue until you’ve gone through each chakra individually.

For more specifics about the chakras, please see here.

8. Spend some time with an animal

Who doesn’t feel better after cuddling a puppy? Or having a kitten on their lap? Or even getting to hold a big reptile? For me, almost nothing compares to being with horses. Their beauty and power have always touched a deep place inside of me. Animals, because they accept and love us so easily, have great ability to help us accept ourselves and experience healing. Go play with a pet!

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Here’s to all of us and our journey and the growth that comes with it. May we find in ourselves our greatest potential and happiness!

 


Jenna Barrington

 

About the Author

Jenna Barrington is studying Therapeutic Nutrition and Holistic Medicine and aspires to be a practitioner, teacher and writer. She is passionate about education and helping others take control of their health.

Jenna lives with her husband in Utah and loves writing, cooking, green smoothies, training her dog, Japanese, spending time at the ocean, bungee jumping, walking barefoot in the grass and being with her family.  

 

Connect with Jenna: WebsiteFacebookTwitterEmail 

 


 

 

References: 

Dr Ghaly’s study on earthing and cortisol: Ghaly M and Teplitz D “The biologic effects of grounding the human body during sleep as measured by cortisol levels and subjective reporting of sleep, pain, and stress.” Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine 2004

EMFs and sleep disturbance

The Screwtape Letters Synopsis

 

 

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

 

Steve-Jobs

7 Ways Great Leaders Think Differently From Everyone Else

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 People who are highly successful think differently from everyone else. The good news? Their thinking habits can be easily learned.

 

By Lolly Daskal
From INC.com

Good thinkers are always in demand and are sought out for their abilities–because anything great begins with a thought, and anything worthwhile comes from a great thinker.

Great thinkers are successful leaders. They know how to solve problems, they know how to unleash possibilities, and they know how to achieve the impossible.

People who go to the top think differently than others, and they achieve more than most.

But the good news is that successful thinking is something you can learn. Here are seven thought habits to get you started on the road to becoming a better thinker:

1. Cultivate strategic thinking. Strategic thinkers can simplify the difficult, prepare for uncertainties, and reduce the margin of errors–all because they have a plan. Strategic thinking makes you a great planner, which is how you move easily from where you are today to where you want to be tomorrow.

2. Engage in inquisitive thinking. Successful leaders spend their time questioning everything they know and everything they don’t know. When you question, you gain knowledge, and when you gain knowledge, you have impact. To be impactful, you to have to question what everyone else is taking for granted. And that alone can give you a leg up on innovation and creativity.

3. Explore big-picture thinking. Big-picture thinkers are always ready to see things that other people cannot see; they are able to size up a situation and take all the variables into account. Once you can connect dots like no one else, you’ll always be prepared to seize an opportunity when the time is right.

4. Harness focused thinking. Focused thinking shuts out interruptions and interference, allowing you to concentrate with clarity. When you can focus your thinking, you are able to bring clarity to challenges, targets, and results.

5. Utilize risk-oriented thinking. Highly successful leaders think big and dream bigger than most. When you learn how to push the envelope and dare to go where no one else has even looked yet, you’ll be admired as a risk taker, someone who dares to gamble–and because you dare more, you’ll have more.

6. Rely on shared thinking. Collaborative thinkers like to hear what other people are thinking so they can expand their own ideas. As much as we like to think we know it all, the best kind of thinking–the kind that brings the greatest return–is not done solo but is shared.

7. Practice reflective thinking. Take the time to reflect before you act, listen before you speak, understand before you respond, and engage your compassion before you react. When you take the time to reflect, it gives perspective. It allows you the bandwidth to see what is truly going on without being emotionally charged. Reflective thinking enables you to distance yourself, so you can see things with a new pair of eyes.

The best leaders are usually the best thinkers. Start today to learn their habits and cultivate their success.

Thinking Small Is Just as Hard as Thinking Big

Morgen Newman, co-founder of MixedMade, explains why businesses can’t last without marketing and press.

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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The Secret to Happiness

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Happiness comes from your own actions. Happiness is a choice. When you find yourself in an emotional state that you’d rather not be in, you have the power to change it in an instant.

 

By Bill Carmody
From INC.com

There have been several books written on the subject of happiness, including several from Tal Ben-Shahar (Happier, Even Happier, and Being Happy) and one from Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh, who wrote Delivering Happiness. All great books if you’re looking for a deep dive into the subject of happiness. But I came across a quote from the Dalai Lama that really nailed it for me:

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”

That’s the secret to happiness. More specifically, your right actions will lead to increased levels of happiness. What are the right actions? The first one is gratitude. You cannot simultaneously hold emotions such as fear, loathing, jealousy, and hatred while also being grateful. If you are feeling stressed out, anxious, or generally bummed out, the fastest way back to happiness is a deep focus on gratitude. This can be accomplished with 10 to 15 minutes of focused meditation. The focus of the meditation being, “What three things are you truly grateful for?”

But wait, deep thoughts of gratitude are not action, right? And the secret to happiness comes from your own actions, so it’s not enough to think thoughts of gratitude. Instead, actions must be taken. In this case, it is the act of expressing your appreciation to the people for whom you are most grateful. In fact, it’s more important to tell someone how much you appreciate them than to tell them you love them. That’s because love means different things to different people, but appreciation is universal. The act of expressing gratitude to those you love will immediately affect your level of happiness.

A second action that leads to happiness is the act of giving. Recall the classic wisdom, “It is better to give than to receive.” This has been proven by researchers in several experiments and is the subject of several TED Talks. The act of giving immediately changes your physiology, especially when you give to someone who is clearly in need. The selfless act of giving without any expectation of receiving brings out an emotional energy that fills you with a sense of purpose and accomplishment. The act of giving releases a feeling inside of you that you have made a real and significant difference in the life of someone else. You cannot help but feel happy when you have positively affected the life of someone else.

And the third action is one I learned at an early age from my grandmother: simply pretend to be happy and soon you won’t be pretending. This one really surprised me, as I was sure that she was mistaken. How could you simply pretend to feel something that you don’t authentically feel and then it becomes your reality? Then I tried it, and sure enough, it works every time. Even as you read this, if you choose to smile as you read this sentence, notice what happens to you. Keep your smile while you read this sentence too and notice that you almost want to laugh. Now go ahead and chuckle, or if you’re by yourself (or don’t feel self-conscious), then give yourself permission to laugh out loud.

It’s simply not possible to smile and laugh and feel unhappy. Your physical state influences your emotional state and vice versa. If you want to feel happy right this instant, then smile and laugh and notice your happiness levels increase. If you then combine this act with the other two (giving and gratitude), you can maintain your happiness beyond the moment.

Happiness comes from your own actions. Simply put, happiness is a choice. We choose to be happy or we choose not to be happy. If you find yourself in an emotional state that you’d rather not be in, you have the power to change it in an instant. Sustained levels of happiness come from the actions you take. When you give to others and show your gratitude, you will increase your levels of happiness. The more you give and the more you tell people how much you appreciate them, the happier you will be. Fill your days with smiles and laughter and the feeling of happiness will grow inside of you. Eventually, happiness will become your default emotion rather than something you access occasionally.

Life is a choice, and your happiness comes from your own actions. Choose to be happy and choose to take the actions in life that will sustain the level of happiness you seek. This is the secret to happiness, and I encourage you to take actions that will fill you with the happiness and joy you deserve throughout your life.

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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3 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Unsupported in Relationships

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Angry Couple

 

Written By Jennifer Twardowski
From Tiny Buddha

“A community of friends supporting each other can make a world of difference.” ~Unknown

Many of us feel we’re not getting the support we want or deserve in relationships.

Maybe we’ve never felt supported by our friends or family. Maybe we don’t feel supported by our peers or co-workers. Maybe we don’t even feel supported by our partner.

This can leave us feeling drained, tired, and unhappy, like we’re moving through life without much fuel to keep going.

During my adolescence and early adulthood, this was a huge struggle for me. I rarely found a place or group of friends where I felt like I “belonged” and, therefore, I didn’t feel supported. When I did feel supported by others, it only lasted for a few days or weeks before it dissipated.

Today, this has shifted. I feel much more supported in my current relationships and don’t feel nearly as drained as I once did.

There are still moments when I feel like I did growing up, but I’ve realized that opening up to support is a life-long journey. It’s an ongoing process of healing old wounds and allowing ourselves to become something new.

There are three questions that always help me realize what needs to be healed and how I need to shift my perception. If you don’t feel supported in your relationships, ask yourself:

1. Is my story preventing me from receiving support?

Do you tell yourself stories like “Nobody understands me,” “He can’t understand me because he hasn’t experienced what I’ve experienced,” or “I always have to take care of others and nobody can take care of me”?

Or, do you repeatedly tell yourself, “I am never supported in my relationships”?

Whatever your specific story is, it blocks you from receiving the support you desire.

Some other stories that prevent you from receiving support include: “If I tell others about my problems, it will cause them more stress,” “If I share this with others, they will judge me,” “I need to give to others in order to be loved,” and “If I want something from others, I won’t be loved.”

Formerly, I told myself the story “I will be a burden to others if I seek help and support.”

I’d think this at work when I needed extra help or a day off, so I’d feel hesitant to communicate this to coworkers. I’d also think this when going through tough times, which made me feel scared to open up to friends, so none of them would know what I was feeling.

When we acknowledge our stories, we are then able to shift our perception and open ourselves to receiving support from others.

2. Am I reaching out to others for support?

Often when we feel like we are not receiving what we desire from others it’s because we are not open to receiving. It’s as if we have a little shop set up for business, but we have all the doors locked!

Be sure to tell others when you are going through a difficult time. Ask people for help rather than to try to figure it all out on your own.

By letting people know that we are seeking support, we’re much more likely to receive it.

3. Am I supporting myself? 

What we experience outside of ourselves is often a reflection of whatever we are experiencing within ourselves. If we are not feeling supported by others, then it is likely true that we may not be supporting ourselves.

The key to shifting this is to find ways to feel full and supported within ourselves instead of focusing solely on what we want from others.

This was something I needed to do when dealing with various health issues. For a few years, I failed to address my health problems, which meant others couldn’t support me either.

I would not stay committed to diet and lifestyle changes that I knew would help me. This meant others didn’t have the opportunity to support me because my actions did not show that improving my health was important to me.

Ask yourself: Am I supporting my body when it’s sick or tired by letting it rest? Do I support myself by finding time to do the things that I love to do? Do I give myself the things I know I need—like going to doctor’s appointments when I’m sick or finding a therapist when I’m going through a difficult time?

Then take it a step further and ask yourself: Am I really “myself” when around others? Am I putting myself in relationships with people who truly accept me for who I am? Do I allow myself to share my authentic truth with others?

If we want to be fully supported in all aspects of ourselves, we need to choose to be in relationships where we feel free to be our authentic selves.

This might mean letting go of some relationships and releasing expectations that certain people will suddenly change and be supportive. By being in relationships with others who fully accept us, we are supporting ourselves.

In order to experience the highest degree of love and support in our relationships, we have to really love and support ourselves. So look within and become the master of your own self-care and self-love.

 

Image Sources: Angry couple silhouette via Shutterstock, Huffington Post

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.