All posts in “Dating”

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10 Ways Men Push Women Away — Without Even Realizing It

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10 Ways Men Push Women Away Without Realizing It Relationships don’t need to be that complicated, gentlemen.

 

Written By  James Michael Sama
From Your Tango

Relationships don’t need to be that complicated, gentlemen.

I was once interviewed for an article on Fox News Los Angeles, the author of which finds herself immersed in the LA dating scene. As you can imagine, this is quite a unique experience. 

We discussed some recent experiences she had with men, and while some of them were a little different from what I usually hear, some were consistent with issues I felt I discussed multiple times before with different women about men.

What does this mean? It means there are consistencies. There are, for some reason, mistakes that many men (probably myself included) are making when it comes to being in a relationship. In this article, I will discuss these mistakes to help all men become more aware of where they can improve, and work to become better.

 

1. He never really learned about relationships.

This has always surprised me. People (men and women) spend years of their life learning about business, history, science, and whatever subject comes our way. But when it comes to the one thing every single one of us shares — relationships — many are generally clueless.

Time is not taken to observe, talk to, or learn about the opposite sex. The more effort you put into learning about women, particularly the one in your life, the more likely you are to be in tune with her feelings, emotions, likes and dislikes.

This will, of course, lead to a smoother, happier relationship because you can anticipate her wants and needs in order to act on them. You don’t need to be a mind reader; you just need to put in a little effort.

2. He spends too much time trying to sell himself.

You spend far too much time talking about yourself and not enough time learning about her. Dating is not supposed to be a sales pitch where you try to convince the person on the other end of the table that you’re their best option.

It’s about mutual learning and figuring out whether or not you are both a match for each other. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason, so listen twice as much as you speak.

3. He doesn’t make her a priority.

I’ve had more than one conversation recently that focused on men who were either so submerged in their career, business, friends, or other interests that they barely made time to spend with their own girlfriend. As an entrepreneur, I understand the importance of focusing on business and progress, but I also understand the beauty and depth a relationship can bring to your life, and the importance of playing your equal role in it.

The woman in your life wants to feel valued. She wants to feel adored. She wants you to be emotionally present when you are with her. She doesn’t need to have you around constantly, but she wants to feel loved, just like you do.

If you stop putting in effort to make the woman in your life feel special every day, you lose your right to complain when someone else does.

4. He didn’t work to build a foundation.

A foundation of friendship and trust is essential to every relationship, much like building a foundation is essential to building a house. Without it, things may look solid from the outside, but will be crumbling from the inside.

Many men shy away from friendship with women because they’re scared of being in the “friend zone” and never having more than that with a woman they have feelings for. But it’s important to realize that many relationships are built off of friendships.

That is what keeps two people together long-term. She needs to know she can count on you, that you will be there, and that you are the real deal. 

You can have a friendship without a relationship, but you can’t have a relationship without a friendship.

5. He is inconsistent.

Another common question I get from women about men is: Why are men so hot and cold? Men can be talking about commitment and a relationship one day, and then completely disappear the next. What gives?

I understand that, as men in the social media era, we have options. We can easily X out a conversation and start a new one while easily forgetting about the last one.

It’s an unfortunate side effect of the “out of sight, out of mind” mentality that comes along with constant information overload. But one thing hasn’t changed: The fact that you are talking to real human beings with real feelings and emotions.

If you are interested in her, tell her. If you are not interested in her, tell her. A gentleman will never allow a woman to fall if he does not intend on catching her.

6. He focuses too much on her looks.

This one is pretty interesting because it may be counter-intuitive to a lot of men reading this. But that is only because most guys try to get a woman’s attention by complimenting her beauty, and put no effort into learning about her character.

Early on in my relationship I found myself not complimenting my girlfriend on her looks very often. I wanted to tell her that she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen; I wanted to tell her that she looks just as beautiful in sweatpants as she does in a dress

I wanted to dig up every adjective I could think of that could be used to describe someone’s appearance — but, I didn’t. Why? Because I didn’t want her to think that’s why I wanted to be with her.

Yes, she is beautiful and sexy, but she is so much more than that. I actually told her once that I didn’t want her to think I only wanted her for her looks. She told me that if I’d spent too much time complimenting her beauty, that’s exactly what she would’ve thought.

The woman in your life will have much more appreciation for you taking the time to notice her character, compassion, thoughtfulness, and kindheartedness — far more than you telling her how great her butt looks in those jeans. Even if it does.

7. He gives too much, too soon.

Yes, men can be clingy, too. When we find a woman who really catches our attention, sometimes the excitement can be a little overwhelming and we may come on stronger than we intend to. This, particularly for a more independent type of woman, is kryptonite and pushes her away immediately.

Take a step back, take a deep breath, tell her what a great time you had on your date, and do your best to fight the urge to text her every 5 minutes. Don’t be worried about coming across as uninterested; you will actually likely be helping yourself rather than hurting yourself.

8. He hasn’t yet defined himself or his own path.

I know that this was a big hang-up for me for a long time. I wasn’t really sure who I was as a person, who I wanted to be, or who I wanted to become. For that reason (and others) I knew I wasn’t going to be ready for a relationship until I had at least a better grip on those questions.

In order to be happy with someone else, you first need to be happy with yourself. That is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be either.

The idea of “you complete me” is romantic, but it’s not realistic. A relationship is not about two people who complete each other; it’s about two people who are already whole and accept each other completely.

9. He puts in part-time effort.

Healthy relationships aren’t a part-time commitment. The woman you are with is not just another option or a way to pass your time, and she shouldn’t be made to feel like she is.

When you are with her, be with her. When you are not with her, let her know you’re thinking about her. A relationship is a team, and teams fall apart when one of the members doesn’t pull their own weight.

She needs to know that you will be there for her during good times and during bad times. If you always seem to be just sort-of-kind-of committed, she will eventually realize she’s better off being single, or will find someone who gives her what she needs.

10. He’s clueless about how she’s feeling.

You also need to make sure you learn about her on a deeper level, especially about the one woman you’ve committed your time and effort to. If you don’t put in the effort to become in-tune with how she’s feeling or what she’s communicating to you non-verbally, you will never be able to form the type of deep, emotional connection that a healthy relationship should possess.

She doesn’t want or need you to be a psychic. But if you truly put in the time and effort to communicate with her, listen to her, and pay attention to the things she’s saying to you when she’s not actually speaking, you will gain a greater understanding of the woman you love and ultimately be able to bring more happiness to you as individuals, and to your relationship.

Relationships shouldn’t be as complicated as they seem to be for our generation. They don’t need rules or checklists; what they do need is two people who are willing to learn, understand, and communicate; two people who will stand by each other when things are good, and when things are bad.

Two people who are willing to work together as a team. Because, in the end, the team wins the game.

 

Image Sources: HD Wallpapers, weheartit

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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13 Old School Dating Practices We Should Bring Back, Stat!

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Written By Cassandra Guerrier
From Your Tango

It’s time for a throwback to a simpler time with some good ol’ retro romance.

Now that the “hookup culture” is on the rise, it’s hard to remember the days when people took dating seriously. From one night stands to casual flings, hooking up has pretty much become the norm. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with having a good time, but I have to admit that I miss getting concrete signs that the guy I’m seeing is genuinely interested without having to turn into Sherlock Holmes just to figure out what he’s really thinking. For some reason, there’s a major disconnect between our parents’ generation of dating and how we approach the game today. Forget about riding off into the sunset with your knight and shining armor or being swept off your feet; it’s the little things you do to show your partner that you’re in it 100 percent that speak volumes. You don’t need to be a damsel in distress to find someone who will treat you with respect or to get the love that you deserve.

If you need further convincing, these retro dating habits (that are slowly becoming extinct) will prove why we all need to stop playing it cool and just be honest about how we feel. Besides, I’d take going steady over being “Facebook official” any day.

 

 Call Me Maybe

1. The first old school ritual we need to revive? Picking up the phone! Forget about emoji wars and figure out how your date really feels by having an actual conversation.

 

 

 Dance The Night Away

2. Bring back the days when this was considered dancing…

 

 

Twerk Nation

…Instead of this.

 

 

Communicate In Person

3. Why hide behind texts when you can make your date swoon with your boyish charm in the flesh? Don’t let your smooth lines get lost in translation.

 

 

Be On Time

4. If you say you’re going to show up at a certain time, actually get there on time. Male or female, there is nothing sexy about dining at a table for one, waiting for your date to grace you with his or her presence.

 

 

Courting

5. The “hookup culture” of today is all about being physical without getting tangled in the emotional. How about we flip the script and try taking it slow? Whether it’s in the form of amorous letters or a walk in the park, make an effort to court your sweetheart the old-fashioned way

 
 

Take It Slow

6. There’s a reason why the adage “Slow and steady wins the race” is so popular. Instead of rushing into a relationship, give yourself some time to fall in love naturally.

 

Don’t Blame It On The Alcohol

7. If you’re getting first date jitters and just can’t shake off the nerves, getting through the night with a little help from your friends Mr. Jack Daniels and Samuel Adams definitely won’t help you land that second date.

 
 

Ready To Commit? Go Steady

8. We’ve become so obsessed with social media that the defining moment of a relationship is how fast we make it “facebook official”. Back in the ’50s, going steady meant nixing those mixed signals in the bud by promising to commit and actually meaning it.

 
 

Be Honest

9. Okay, Nancy Drew, you won’t need to put your facebook stalking skills to use and crack his cryptic statuses for this one. Not sure if you’re on the same page? Just ask! The only way that you’ll change your relationship status is by making it clear that you want more.

 
 

Stop Playing Mind Games

10. Old school romance was all about being transparent with your partner and showing just how interested you were. Nothing is worse then falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same.

 

 

Bring Chivalry Back To Life

11. Let’s be real. Chivalry needs some serious mouth to mouth resuscitation. For starters, small gestures (like not letting the door slam in your date’s face) should just be common courtesy regardless of gender.

 

 

Compliment

12. Hey girl (or guy), when you compliment your date, it’s always better to be genuine than superficial.

 

 

No Second Guessing

And if they have to wonder whether they should be flattered or insulted, you’re doing it wrong.

 

 

Be Yourself

13. Finally, if you seriously want to find the one, you have to love yourself first and trust that everything else will fall into place. No matter what generation you’re a part of, this rule will always trump all.

 

Image Source: Beastly Gentleman

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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If You’re Feeling These 15 Things, You’re In A Dead End Relationship

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dead end Are you wasting your time?

 

Article Source: Your Tango

Relationships usually begin with high hopes and bright expectations. The key is to not waste precious time hanging onto one that is bringing up more and more question marks. Here are signs that you’re sticking with a dead-end relationship, and it might be time to move on:

1. You have more confusion than clarity. 

Time should bring important insights into your relationship, so it’s a red flag if you are more confused now than you were weeks or months ago.

2. Initial attraction hasn’t led to a lasting bond. 

Being attracted to external qualities—a nice smile, a quick wit, a confident demeanor—can hold a couple together for only so long. A romance that flames out quickly might be due to a strong physical attraction with little else to feed it.

3. Your desire for “space” is increasing. 

Everyone needs individual time—that’s normal and natural. But if “me time” has become much more appealing than “us time,” consider this a clear warning sign.

4. You work hard to improve the relationship, but the other person is not making the same effort.

A healthy union needs two people who both carry their weight and invest equally in the partnership.

5. Time has revealed a mismatch in your values and beliefs. 

Be realistic about whether your respective lives and desires are pointing you in the same direction, or whether impossible compromises lie ahead.

6. You don’t share the same level of motivation and ambition. 

Whether these include career advancement, further education, or personal development, each partner should have clearly defined objectives and a plan to attain them.

7. You’ve noticed incidents of dishonesty and deception. 

Lies destroy a crucial component of any relationship: trust. The presence of lies and the absence of trust spell trouble.

8. One person is clingy and dependent. 

Few relationships are able to survive extreme jealousy, possessiveness, overdependence, or controlling behavior. Such actions and attitudes indicate that one or both people lack a solid emotional foundation.

9. Your partner is unrealistic about what is needed for long-term success. 

In a healthy relationship, the individuals acknowledge that nobody is perfect and there will surely be problems to address. Every relationship will require hard work and perseverance.

10. It’s become obvious that your career and financial goals are not in sync. 

Ask yourselves how you envision your standard of living, income, and vocational progress into the future.

11. You have put your own needs and ambitions on hold to concentrate more on your lover’s. 

This kind of imbalance will eventually leave you feeling resentful. A healthy relationship requires equality, with both individuals feeling valued.

12. More and more you wonder if there’s someone better suited for you. 

It’s normal to have occasional doubts and questions about the long-term prospects of your partnership, but don’t ignore the warning signs if those thoughts become increasingly frequent.

13. You don’t feel like you can be “completely yourself” with this person. 

Trying to change or conceal your true self is a big tip that this isn’t a good match.

14. You’re feeling an acute sense of “time urgency.” 

Regardless of your age, you’ve begun to think that the time you’re spending in this relationship could be better spent exploring other (better) possibilities.

15. As you look ahead, the vision of your future together is fuzzy. 

You should be able to envision your relationship five, ten, twenty years ahead with joy and clarity.

 

Image Source: Thought Catalog

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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6 ways to get out of the FriendZone!

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Article Source: Lifestyle Magazine

4039148916_holiday_rom_com_friend_zone_400x300_xlargeFellas, once you’re categorized in the “friendzone” category, chances are, you’re never going to get out of it. While attraction boils down to a mixture of pheromones, chemistry, energy and confidence, and no book or list of tips can teach you that -there are a few things you can do (and avoid) to minimize being labeled as her new “gay best friend”.

1. Ask her out on a date… properly

You may be afraid of “rejection” – but that looming fear of “what if” will hinder you from getting a date. Take a chance and ask a girl out on a date. But do note – there is a way about asking. “We should grab a coffee sometime,” is not asking someone out on a date. The ask is important because it implies intention. If you’re interested romantically, asking something along the lines of “Would you like to go for dinner next Friday? I know a great place <insert suggestion> that I’d like to take you to.” Why is this a winning ask? First, unless it’s business networking, typically people who have just met and want to only be buddies do not ask to take you out for dinner. Second, you are showing consideration by recommending a venue and third, you are being assertive in your ask and have provided a date in the near future. Overall, position the ask so it makes it very easy for a woman to say “yes”.

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2. Ask her for a drink, not for coffee

The time and place of the first date matters. You may think that dinner is too much of a commitment and want to test the waters first. That’s understandable, but then choose the venue accordingly. Coffee on a Tuesday afternoon = friend / business meeting. Drinks on a Friday night = date. Also, studies show that the location matters due to “transference”. For example, choosing a high-end restaurant/bar transfers the emotions evoked by the atmosphere over to the person (sophistication, wealth, etc). Choose the venue according to the type of experience and emotions you want to inspire.

3. Go in for the first kiss

There is no one “rule” on the perfect timing to go in for the first kiss. You have to be conscious of body language and pick up signs of interest. If a few dates have passed, there’s a chance she’s likely in to you – because she is choosing to continue spending time with you. If you’re deathly afraid of how she’ll react, then warm the waters by engaging in subtle body contact. A light touch on her arm or behind her back. If she’s squeamish and uncomfortable, then it’s likely not going to end very well if you kiss her. But if she’s responsive and reciprocating with her body language, then, make a first move. If you’re deathly afraid of that awkward go-in-for-the-kiss-and-she-ducks-or-gives-you-the-cheek possibility, start by a peck on the lips.

4. Make eye contact and hold her gaze

Studies show that a factor of your attractiveness to others is influenced simply if you are making direct eye contact and smiling simultaneously. Eye contact has shown to cause intimate bonds and physical arousal. Also, research suggests that when you want to build rapport with someone, you need to meet that person’s gaze between 60–70 per cent of the time. Authors Brett and Kate McKay share some signs to determine what her eyes are telling you:

If she looks down and then looks back at you less than 45 seconds later, she is almost definitely interested. This sign is so nearly fail-proof that you don’t need any smooth pick-up lines when you approach her—just offer your hand and introduce yourself.

If she looks away horizontally, she’s not sure if she’s interested in you or not yet. Smile and make eye contact again to see how she reacts.

If she averts her gaze by looking up, she’s not interested. Basically, she just rolled her eyes at you.

When you are on a date, look her in the eyes, focus and keep her gaze. Breaking gaze is natural, but if you do, look to the side, not down. Now, you need to know the difference between being romantic versus being creepy. If you overdo the eye gazing it turns into staring and you can come across too intense and intimidating.

Maya-and-Darnell1

5. Be conscious of the vibe you are (or not) exuding

Depending on experience and intuition, a woman will have varying degrees of being able to sense the energy of a man to know if he’s interested. Some men are natural at flirting and showing interest. I’ve noticed that alpha males are generally better at doing this than beta males. But, beta males don’t fret! You can give off a vibe, still be a nice guy and get the girl. The first part is confidence. You cannot fake confidence, and no book can teach you that. Being comfortable in your own skin means knowing your value and worth. If you have an underlying insecurity of feeling the need to be liked or approved by everyone, and you base your worth on the acceptance of others – this will come across in your energy. Know your value and don’t regard yourself as “less-than” anyone else. If you can’t feel and know your own value and worth, how can you expect others to see it?

6. Don’t be over eager

This goes back to confidence. It’s great to be assertive, take initiative and ask a woman out but if you come across as desperate or over-eager, it will be a turn off. There is a difference between trying and putting in effort, versus being desperate for her attention. You never want to come across that the apple of your eye is “better” than you. Do not put anyone on a pedestal and instead, see the person as an equal, no matter how amazing you think she is. Know that you have options, and if she’s not in to you, you’ll eventually meet someone else who will reciprocate your feelings. Also, people can come across as desperate when they approach relationships in a rush. There is no mad hurry for love. Timing is everything. A woman may not go on a date with you today or continue dating you not because of anything personal, but because of something happening in her life during that time. Just because she’s not pursuing something doesn’t equate to there being something wrong with you. So make an effort, try and if it doesn’t work, be patient and relaxed about it. If it’s not now it could be later. If it’s not her then eventually it will be someone else.

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Who we are attracted to on an immediate level has been wired in our brains before we are even aware of making a conscious decision about the person. Anthropologist Helen Fisher calls this our “love maps” – which are built at a very young age and set the pattern in the “type” of person we will be drawn to in our adult years. Then there’s the theory of pheromones – how each person has a certain smell, and we are naturally attracted to or repulsed by someone’s scent. Regardless of which theory is most accurate, sometimes you are just attracted to someone for no rational rhyme or reason. Attraction is a fickle thing – and it can go just as easily as it comes. It can also bloom over time or, never launch at all.

I do not suggest you alter your personality or character or engage in mind games to try to falsely attract someone. And remember, there is no one way or right way. However, if you’re want to build romantic rapport with someone, be conscious of your energy, your confidence and body language. Be attentive to how people respond and don’t respond to you. Most importantly, remember, that if you don’t ask, you’ll never know.

 

Image Source: Pynk

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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Being in Love is Good for You, Says Science

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Written By Dawn Chen
From Shape

Turns out, love does change you for the better. Here are four Science-backed ways to prove it.

Love makes you healthier.
A study from the University of Oxford that involved 730,000 participants has found that married women are 28 per cent less likely to die from heart disease than unmarried women. While the exact reasons are unknown, researchers speculate that the women’s spouses were likelier to encourage them to take their medicine regularly and make healthy lifestyle changes.

Love helps lessen pain.
Researchers from Stanford University School of Medicine in the US have discovered that love really acts like a drug – a painkilling one, that is. They found that feelings of intense, passionate love can help to block pain. “It turns out that the areas of the brain activated by intense love are the same areas that drugs use to reduce pain,” says study author Arthur Aron.

Love makes you more positive.
Being in love helps you manage negativity too, according to research from the Universities of Jena and Kassel in Germany. “Neurotic people are rather anxious, insecure, and easily annoyed. They have a tendency towards depression, often show low self-esteem and tend to be generally dissatisfied with their lives,” study author Christine Finn explains. But when they’re in love, all that stress and worry seems to lessen. The psychologists found that being in love helped those with a more neurotic personality become more stable. They observed that over time, love also helps one deal with difficult circumstances more confidently instead of being immediately negative.

Love protects against stress and sickness.
Hugs are great, says recent research by US-based Carnegie Mellon University. Not only do they help to express love, but they can also help protect you from being stressed, and decrease your chances of getting sick. Study authors think that being hugged makes us feel like we’re being supported, and this in turn helps to lower our stress levels.

 

Image Sources: Maridav/123RF.com, QTPlace.com

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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20 Bad Habits That Could Hurt Your Relationship

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Written By Laura Schwecherl
From Greatist

Romance isn’t just about a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day. A satisfying relationship can also make people feel happy and healthy . But keep in mind that successful relationships aren’t just about rainbows and butterflies—a healthy partnership requires communication, respect, and plenty of good habits from both people. So when dating that special someone, avoid stalking their ex on Facebook, keeping feelings bottled up, and splitting the double cheeseburger every night . These (and 17 other) bad habits could make a great relationship take a turn for the worse.

Save the Spark—Your Action Plan

1. Trying to improve him/her.

News flash: There’s no such thing as a perfect person, so don’t expect unrealistic changes. Reminding him or her to make the bed is one thing, but trying to radically change shyness or anxiety is another—and could be ignoring the underlying causes for those issues in the first place.

2. Finding faults with the fam.

The ’rents may be harder to handle than your significant other. But even if there’s some clashing of heads, don’t focus on the family’s faults. Getting criticism from family members can make people feel depressed and hostile—which means some tense holiday dinners . Besides, the situation can’t be worse than what Gaylord went through.

3. Engaging in constant PDA.

Getting it on in public can not only make bystanders uncomfortable, it may also compensate for a lack of real communication. Stick to hand-holding and quick kisses, and save the rest for the bedroom (or the cell phone?).

4. Fighting in public.

As if PDA weren’t bad enough. Arguing in public can embarrass the couple and make everyone around feel awkward, too. Talk it out in private, please.

5. Avoiding fighting.

Love isn’t all good, all the time. Disagreements are bound to happen, and arguments can be a healthy part of a relationship. Never having conflict may make compromise impossible. Just don’t make fighting an all-day affair.

6. Not talking it out.

If something is wrong, the other person probably can’t read your mind. When a problem comes up, speak up at the right time. One study suggests young couples are less stressed when they talk out their issues than when they keep their feelings bottled up. And don’t forget to say, “I love you.” Expressing emotions—positive and negative—can benefit that bond .

7. Forgetting to forgive.

People make mistakes, and holding on to grudges may not only hurt a relationship—it could also cause unwanted stress and anxiety. Sympathy may be easier to give if we realize it will benefit our health .

8. Timing discussions badly.

Conversations about important issues, like relationship expectations and financial blunders, all have their time and place. Don’t bring up serious topics when someone’s stressed, like at the end of the workday or right before hosting a party. Set up a time to talk when both people are relaxed.

9. Keeping score.

Sure, relationships should be about give and take, but don’t keep track of every little detail (For example: I paid for the last six dinners, and you only paid for five!). It can cause unnecessary tension.

10. Being melodramatic.

No relationship is perfect. So don’t create unnecessary drama in every scenario. If a mate forgets to take out the garbage, there’s no need for a scene. Take a few breaths and address the problem calmly.

11. Spying.

When two people want to make it work, trust is key . Have confidence in your mate and respect their privacy: Don’t snoop through texts, emails, or bedroom drawers. (Definitely don’t use this!)

12. Allowing jealousy to take over

. Doubting your partner may be a symptom of a larger problem: relationship insecurity. And women who feel insecure in their relationships may be at greater risk for health issues like a weakened immune system . Some advice for reducing envy, at least temporarily? Stay off Facebook and other social networking sites.

13. Letting go.

Sometimes when partners feel too secure with each other, they end up putting on a few pounds, possibly because they’re less physically active . Try being a power couple to stay both happy and healthy.

14. Constantly comparing.

Forget the ex and stop comparing a current partner with a person from the past. This could lead to unrealistic expectations.

15. Doing everything together.

Everyone needs some alone time (yep, even hopelessly devoted couples). Solitude may even enhance relationships, making time together more valuable.

16. Lying.

Little white lies can add up and ruin a relationship that should be built on honesty. There is wiggle room, of course: “Sweetie, that homemade dinner tasted great…”

17. Not being honest with yourself.

Don’t just be honest with a companion. Stay real about what you need in order to stay satisfied. Is a long distance relationship really worth the work? Is it okay that they’re working all the time?

18. Lacking self-confidence.

Not feeling confident in a relationship can really do some damage: Low self-esteem is sometimes linked to low sex drive, which could make things less heated in the bedroom. Getting active, setting goals, and even smiling can improve self-confidence. But don’t forget that an unhealthy relationship can actually cause low-self esteem, so steer clear of someone who makes you feel less than great.

19. Forgetting why you’re in it.

Remember to ask yourself why you two are dating, and what you want out of it. Does a partner want to put a ring on it while you want to remain casual? Being with someone for the wrong reasons is one slippery slope!

20. Taking him or her for granted.

Always remember why you love that special someone. Showing gratitude and paying attention to that good person by your side will only make the relationship stronger .

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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The Biology of a Broken Heart—and How to Bounce Back

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Written By Laura Schwecherl
From Greatist

Many of us have been there: hearing the words, “It’s not you, it’s me,” or, “Maybe we should just be friends.” Others have dealt with the death of a loved one or role model. And while each end to a relationship is unique (to be sure, a breakup and a lost life are drastically different experiences), one feeling is common: heartbreak. Unfortunately no Band-Aid can heal this one.

Heartbreak Really Does Hurt—The Need-to-Know

Heartbreak is a term used to describe crushing grief, anguish, and distress, often due to the pains and strains of love. The experience of heartbreak can be so intense that some scientists suggest it feels the same as physical pain. In one study, people showed similar brain activity when they viewed a photo of a former love and when they felt extreme heat on their arm.

Heartbreak can be so intense that some scientists suggest it feels the same as physical pain.

In fact, it might even be true that people can die of a broken heart. Early bereavement (the period of mourning after a death) is associated with increased blood pressure and heart rate, which can raise cardiovascular risk . Another study of people who recently lost their spouse found the stress involved with mourning upped the risk of dying from a heart attack by 20 to 35 percent. Looks like heartbreak really can hurt the human heart.

Your Action Plan

As studies confirm the biological basis to love, there may eventually be a treatment for heartbreak. Until then, follow these basic techniques for coping with the pain of a lost love. We reached out to Athena Staik, Ph.D., LMFT and Julie S. Lerner, Psy.D. for professional advice on mending a broken heart.

The Takeaway

There’s no denying the pain of a broken heart, but luckily there are ways to cope with one. Whether you’re going through a breakup or grieving the loss of a loved one, honesty, compassion, social support, and self-care can go a long way toward easing the pain.

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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The Risks of Loving Fully: Do You Hold Back Out of Fear?

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Written By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
From
Huffington Post

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One of my favorite quotes is this one by C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

It takes great courage to love fully.

Take a moment right now to think about this: What is more important to you — to love fully and run the risk of heartbreak, or to hold back opening up your heart, trying to be safe from the “risk of tragedy” and “the dangers and perturbations of love”?

The point C.S. Lewis makes is that closing our heart to the risk of heartbreak creates a living hell. The truth is that while heartbreak is extremely painful, it is not nearly as painful as the hell we create for ourselves when we hold back loving out of our fear of getting hurt.

Yet, many people choose to keep their heart closed rather than risk the intense pain of heartbreak. The reason for this is that most people have never learned how to manage heartbreak. If you believe that you cannot survive the heartbreak of losing a loved one, then how can you take the risk of fully loving?

We love fully only when we believe we can manage the pain of loss. Heartbreak is a fact of life if you choose to love. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.”

Managing Heartbreak

If we want to love fully, then one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to learn to manage the smaller losses of life — the everyday rejections and the various common losses — so that we know we will be able to manage the bigger losses and tragedies should they occur.

When you know you can manage heartbreak, then you don’t have to avoid opening your heart and loving fully. Here is the process for lovingly managing heartbreak:

• Name the feeling, fully acknowledging that your heart is broken.

Heartbreak is such a painful feeling that many people have learned to bypass it, instead numbing out, getting angry, staying focused in their head rather than in their heart, going into denial, or turning to various substance or process addictions. All of these avoidance behaviors serve to keep the heartbreak stuck in your body, causing much distress or potentially even illness.

• Embrace your heartbreak with deep compassion, being very kind and gentle with yourself.

Compassion is a very powerful feeling and is the only feeling powerful enough to make our heartbreak bearable. While compassion from others is helpful, we can’t always rely on others to be there for us during heartbreak, so we need to learn to be present for ourselves with compassion — i.e., kindness, gentleness, tenderness, caring and understanding for ourselves.

Heartbreak generally comes in waves, and each time it comes up, embrace it with compassion for yourself.

• When the heartbreak starts to subside, be willing to release it, consciously letting it move out of your body.

If you have a spiritual belief system, then give the heartbreak to spirit, God, or whatever is your higher power, and ask to have it replaced with peace and acceptance. Do this as often as you need to. If you do not have a spiritual belief system, then imagine the heartbreak being released from your body into the air.

• Once you feel some relief for the moment, open to learning about anything you need to learn regarding what might be happening and what is loving to yourself.

There can be much to learn as a result of opening to and managing your feelings of heartbreak. You might need to explore whether you are taking someone’s behavior personally, or if you are blaming yourself for something, or what someone’s unloving, rejecting behavior is saying about them. You might need to open to the huge challenge of accepting the finality and complete lack of control over death.

When you can lovingly manage the smaller heartbreaks of life, as well as bigger experiences of rejection, then you will know you can manage the tragedy of losing someone you deeply love through death — which is the greatest challenge of all. You will be free to fully love when you reach this place of inner strength — the place of knowing you will be okay even if you lose the person you love.

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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Loving Fully Without Fear

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Article Source: PureAwareness

When you are hurt by someone you’ve loved, do you guard your heart to keep yourself from getting hurt again? Although it’s a natural response to safeguard your heart, ultimately it blocks the flow of love in both directions. It also puts a burden on your ability to love yourself. Fear then has full rein to conjure up a plethora of stories to support you in keeping your heart caged.

What if you were to take the approach that Loving Fully prevents you from getting hurt? What if you loved for the aesthetics of feeling what it’s like to love at your full capacity? That your heart is big enough and strong enough to love in this most profound, unconditional way.

What if you believed that you could never get hurt by loving this much?

This type of love has the power and potential to wipe out fear. In order to love at this level, there has to be a distinction between unconditionally loving the whole of someone and whether or not we find their response, behavior, or treatment of us acceptable.

What I have learned in my deepening heart journey is that I don’t need the other to love or like me in order for me to love and like them. It’s grand when it works out that way, but not a necessity.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been hurt plenty. The times I’ve spent mending a broken heart are too numerous to mention. But I’m a pretty good seamstress in that area as a result.

In coming home to myself in the purest of self-love, I realize that by fully loving myself without fear, I’m able to do that for another. Even if the other doesn’t love me back or chooses not to stay in my life, my ability to love fully without fear is not dependant on his or her response.

There’s a sweet simplicity in loving at this level. We get to experience our capacity for loving in a way that emulates Divine Love. Fully loving out loud with everything inside our heart ignites the law of circulation in a most delicious way. The abundance of love we receive mirrors our capacity to give because in giving to others of our sacred heart, we are giving to ourselves.

It’s the most beautiful love story when our heart sings because it wants to sing.

This doesn’t mean the relationships in our lives are going to turn out the way we want. But our loving isn’t dependent on that. Yes, it hurts when the one we love leaves. However, the hurt isn’t because we loved. It’s because we have an unmet expectation.

By delineating the difference between loving someone and having an expectation, we can recognize the disappointment for what it is. Realizing our desired outcome isn’t going to happen, we are now at choice to change direction and create a new destination for ourselves in relationship with the One. But we don’t have to stop loving! I think the pain is far too great to stop loving because we’re disappointed.

I love because I love how it feels to love.

I get hurt because my heart is wide open. I get disappointed because my heart is wide open. I get healed because my heart is wide open. And I love again in a richer, deeper, fuller expression of myself because of the experience.

I invite you to allow your heart its full capacity to love – yourself first then others. Let go of need for reciprocation of any kind in order for you to love. Set your boundaries for what is and what is not acceptable behavior, then open and relish the journey of Loving Fully Without Fear

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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3 Areas Of Life Where You Must First Disconnect To Actually Connect

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Written By Kelly Weatherwax
From Elite Daily

The art of communication can be traced back to when living beings were first put on the earth; it allows us to develop and grow properly.

It is how we interact with one other, how we express ourselves and how we put ourselves out there into the world.

It is important to remember that even though not everyone hears you, someone will always hear you.

There are various levels of communication and, thanks to technology, a number of platforms to communicate on.

You can share your thoughts, opinions, feelings or just basic knowledge to the world with a few clicks of the mouse.

But, this begs the question: Is technology stunting our interpersonal communication skills and rather just helping us to communicate with the Internet?

Let’s examine this question in the scope of the following areas of our lives:

1. Relationships

In the past, we would meet new people or indicate interest in someone simply by introducing ourselves or “asking them out.” Yes, that was once a thing.

That has changed; now, the initial interaction of meeting someone transpires on an app with a few pictures and pick-up lines.

We no longer get the deep connections we crave because we are interacting with screens rather than people.

We see the “…” more than we see someone’s facial and body reaction to our stories, questions and answers.

Everyone is naming these dating cultures and trends that technology has caused, but no one is doing anything about it.

We are pointing out our culture’s flaws, but not putting down our phones or even enjoying nice meals without them.

We should know it is okay to interact in person — better yet, it’s preferable.

Our phones and technology separate us from reality to the extent that we often miss the cravings of human interaction and good conversation our brains insist upon to stay sane.

The next time you’re on a date or getting to know someone, stop scrolling through your newsfeed and notice him or her: his or her body language, reactions and other little quirks you miss by putting a screen in-between one another.

Because when you pay attention to the little things, they become the big things and will make your connections deeper.


2. Professionalism

It is no secret that technology has changed the professional culture and helped push forward the more casual, laid-back industry trend that is sweeping offices of large companies and start-ups like wildfire.

You no longer need to wear a suit to work at most companies, and beer and wine are readily available for employees in the lounge rooms that also include arcade games.

The culture of the common workplace has evolved, so has how we communicate in the workplace. Bosses these days want to be “cool,” “laid back” and thought of as pioneers of Generation-Y and its culture.

This leads communication in the workplace to take on a more casual tone as well, where we add colleagues on social media and communicate through instant messaging systems.

It is easy in these situations to forget that you are being watched and tracked, especially on work networks. What you communicate in these instances can alter your career path negatively if you are not careful about what you say.

A large issue with adding colleagues or professional connections on social media is how we communicate grammatically; it’s as if people log onto Facebook and immediately forget everything they learned in school.

Not only is the grammar sub-par, but what we post and like on social media plays into it as well. I have witnessed individuals being fired or warned by management for what they post online.

We are communicating with the world through social media and forgetting that when we communicate with the world, we lose all basic privacy. There is no limit, no matter the privacy settings you set, to who will see it.

The pictures, opinions and feelings you post online is you communicating to the world how you want to be portrayed.

It is important to remember how you portray yourself is very important if you are a member of the professional world or hope to be one day. Post wisely.


3. Family

Have you looked around the restaurant when you were out to dinner recently? Probably not because most people are glued to a screen.

Parents out to dinner will keep their toddlers and young children entertained with iPads while they text or play games on their phones until the food arrives.

It is a little sad to be honest. Dinner used to be a time when families could reconnect and talk about their days and now, that connection is being replaced by popping bubbles on an app.

When I was growing up, my family was always together — and I am not just referring to immediate family. We would set beach dates, cookouts, family reunions or just a nice weekend visits, religiously.

My family was always getting together because the only way to know what was going on in each other’s lives was to either pick up the phone and dial or get together; one usually led to the other.

Not only was my family physically communicating at every possible chance, but we would also write letters and send pictures to our relatives we couldn’t see as often.

Today we have lost that connection and communication with our families because we see everything and communicate more readily through social media.

You may be asking yourself what my point is because you’d think social media would make it easier for us to communicate, thus we would be closer. I beg to differ.

When our lives are displayed on Facebook for everyone to see, they may scroll, comment or like, but is that leading to a conversation?

Is that going deeper than a nice, “Oh you’ve grown up so nicely, congrats!” I don’t believe it is.

We feel as though we know everything that is happening in everyone’s lives from their posts to the extent that we forget to ask about the details.

Therefore, we lose that deeper connection that was once just so easily made.

There are so many areas in our lives where technology has transformed what is now normal, but that does not necessarily mean we need to let that take away our basic communication and the way we are able to form and nurture relationships.

I sometimes find myself so involved in my phone and what is happening in other people’s lives that I find myself ignoring the people in the same room as me and instead, selectively listening to them.

Being in the present moment and deepening our connections it is important. Remember, to connect, we sometimes need to disconnect.

 

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.