All posts in “Inspiration”

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8 Steps To Raise Your Vibration And Experience A Better Life

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Written By Jenna Barrington

“What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all have times where life isn’t clear and we feel like we’re walking through mud. Here are a few tips to help you find more happiness and fulfillment, and make it through the ups and downs!

1. Sleep

Now, for those of us who aren’t mentally on top of our game, sleep (too much or the inability to sleep at all) may be a nightly battle. A few tips to more restful sleep:

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  • Spend time earthing every day. This means getting your bare feet in contact with the ground. The earth’s energy is very healing and there is a lot of evidence that when we connect with the earth, our circadian rhythm becomes more normalized, thus helping us sleep and wake up at healthy times. You can even make or buy grounding pads to sleep on to maximize the benefits of earthing.
  • Create a good sleep environment. Cool and dark works best for most people. Try to keep your room as free of electronics as possible. There is evidence that EMF’s can be a cause of insomnia and sleeping disorders. Turn your phone on airplane mode and leave your computer in another room or away from the bed. Be aware of walls with lots of hidden wires, or smart meters on the outside wall of your bedroom.
  • Before you go to sleep, write down everything that is on your mind. List the things that are bothering you or that you’re worried about or just the thoughts that won’t leave you alone. A ‘brain dump’ so to speak, that you can leave on your nightstand to think about tomorrow.

2. Spend time outside

It is easy to hide away indoors when we are feeling ‘off,’ but going outside and spending time in nature can be soothing and very healing. Whether it’s going for a walk, playing an outdoor sport, or simply splattering yourself out on the lawn (my personal favorite,) reconnect with mother earth to find inner peace.

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3. Hang out with the right people

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“You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

Even on my lowest days, my husband always manages to poke through my walls and make me laugh. His ability to love me on any kind of day gives me safety and support that is priceless.

We are deeply entangled with the people around us. It is so important to spend our time with people who bring balance and don’t constantly drain our energy or fill us with negativity. Sometimes this means letting go of someone. Spend your time with those who lift you up, love you, and encourage you to be your true self.

4. Get in this MOMENT

“The secret to change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

In his book ‘The Screwtape Letters,’ C.S. Lewis tells of letters written from a senior Demon Screwtape to his nephew Woodworm, a junior ‘tempter.’ Woodworm is responsible for the undoing or damnation of a certain human referred to as ‘The Patient.’

One of the demons’ tactics is to keep The Patient focusing constantly on the past or future. They know that if they successfully keep him from thinking about the moment, if he is consistently stuck on things in past or future, he will never be able to accomplish what is important in the now.

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Do what it takes to let go of the past. Who you are today is more important than anything you have been, and will determine who you will be. Learn how to pull yourself back into the present.

5. Be honest

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A lot of anxiety and sadness comes when we lie to ourselves or those around us. This also applies to times when we ‘hide’ from those we love out of fear. The truth is, people who truly love us will keep loving us no matter what. It is easier in the end to be honest and upfront with those close to us than to bury ourselves behind a good face.

I heard once that we all have three selves: who we are when we’re alone, who we are when we’re with close friends/family, and who we are when we’re in the general public. The closer these three selves come together, the happier and more content we will be. We need to learn to to be true to ourselves, to be free, and to give others the same privilege.

6. Find your confidence

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When depression sets in, when anxiety wrings you dry, when you’re in a fog and just aren’t sure of anything anymore… breathe. Remember that you are a piece of the universe. You are one with the stars and the galaxies and the birds above your rain clouds. Look deep inside and find that connection with God or the Universe or Mother Earth, and know that you are not alone. This moment of dark won’t last. Feel what needs to be felt and then hold your chin up and face your demons with power. This life is yours. Though your mind and ego may seem to hold the reins, in reality they belong to you and you are the master.

7. Balance your chakras

A lot of instability emotionally comes from your energy being unbalanced. This can happen for many reasons, and is often subconscious until you pay specific attention. Balancing your chakras is an excellent way to meditate, clear muddy energy, process emotions that are stuck, and become more in tune with yourself. Here is a simple method I’ve found effective:

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1. You can do this anywhere anytime but I’ve found it is easiest if you are somewhere comfortable where you can relax. Lay down or lean back in your chair.Take some deep breaths and try to let go of external distractions. Focus on your breathing and on feeling your body.

2. Let yourself focus on your energy. It surrounds you, runs through you, and is in constant motion. It is connected with the earth and the universe and everything that is in you.

3. Start at the bottom and either physically or in your mind hold your hand over the chakra, and move it clockwise motion with the flow of energy. This is more about feeling than thinking. Focus on the flow and whether or not it feels fluid and clear. If not, focus on the imbalance. Is there physical discomfort? Thoughts or images that come up? Accept, process, and continue in motion with the energy until it is clear.

4. Move up to the next chakra and repeat. Continue until you’ve gone through each chakra individually.

For more specifics about the chakras, please see here.

8. Spend some time with an animal

Who doesn’t feel better after cuddling a puppy? Or having a kitten on their lap? Or even getting to hold a big reptile? For me, almost nothing compares to being with horses. Their beauty and power have always touched a deep place inside of me. Animals, because they accept and love us so easily, have great ability to help us accept ourselves and experience healing. Go play with a pet!

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Here’s to all of us and our journey and the growth that comes with it. May we find in ourselves our greatest potential and happiness!

 


Jenna Barrington

 

About the Author

Jenna Barrington is studying Therapeutic Nutrition and Holistic Medicine and aspires to be a practitioner, teacher and writer. She is passionate about education and helping others take control of their health.

Jenna lives with her husband in Utah and loves writing, cooking, green smoothies, training her dog, Japanese, spending time at the ocean, bungee jumping, walking barefoot in the grass and being with her family.  

 

Connect with Jenna: WebsiteFacebookTwitterEmail 

 


 

 

References: 

Dr Ghaly’s study on earthing and cortisol: Ghaly M and Teplitz D “The biologic effects of grounding the human body during sleep as measured by cortisol levels and subjective reporting of sleep, pain, and stress.” Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine 2004

EMFs and sleep disturbance

The Screwtape Letters Synopsis

 

 

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

 

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7 Ways Great Leaders Think Differently From Everyone Else

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 People who are highly successful think differently from everyone else. The good news? Their thinking habits can be easily learned.

 

By Lolly Daskal
From INC.com

Good thinkers are always in demand and are sought out for their abilities–because anything great begins with a thought, and anything worthwhile comes from a great thinker.

Great thinkers are successful leaders. They know how to solve problems, they know how to unleash possibilities, and they know how to achieve the impossible.

People who go to the top think differently than others, and they achieve more than most.

But the good news is that successful thinking is something you can learn. Here are seven thought habits to get you started on the road to becoming a better thinker:

1. Cultivate strategic thinking. Strategic thinkers can simplify the difficult, prepare for uncertainties, and reduce the margin of errors–all because they have a plan. Strategic thinking makes you a great planner, which is how you move easily from where you are today to where you want to be tomorrow.

2. Engage in inquisitive thinking. Successful leaders spend their time questioning everything they know and everything they don’t know. When you question, you gain knowledge, and when you gain knowledge, you have impact. To be impactful, you to have to question what everyone else is taking for granted. And that alone can give you a leg up on innovation and creativity.

3. Explore big-picture thinking. Big-picture thinkers are always ready to see things that other people cannot see; they are able to size up a situation and take all the variables into account. Once you can connect dots like no one else, you’ll always be prepared to seize an opportunity when the time is right.

4. Harness focused thinking. Focused thinking shuts out interruptions and interference, allowing you to concentrate with clarity. When you can focus your thinking, you are able to bring clarity to challenges, targets, and results.

5. Utilize risk-oriented thinking. Highly successful leaders think big and dream bigger than most. When you learn how to push the envelope and dare to go where no one else has even looked yet, you’ll be admired as a risk taker, someone who dares to gamble–and because you dare more, you’ll have more.

6. Rely on shared thinking. Collaborative thinkers like to hear what other people are thinking so they can expand their own ideas. As much as we like to think we know it all, the best kind of thinking–the kind that brings the greatest return–is not done solo but is shared.

7. Practice reflective thinking. Take the time to reflect before you act, listen before you speak, understand before you respond, and engage your compassion before you react. When you take the time to reflect, it gives perspective. It allows you the bandwidth to see what is truly going on without being emotionally charged. Reflective thinking enables you to distance yourself, so you can see things with a new pair of eyes.

The best leaders are usually the best thinkers. Start today to learn their habits and cultivate their success.

Thinking Small Is Just as Hard as Thinking Big

Morgen Newman, co-founder of MixedMade, explains why businesses can’t last without marketing and press.

Image Source: Getty Images, Wholles.com

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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The Secret to Happiness

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Happiness comes from your own actions. Happiness is a choice. When you find yourself in an emotional state that you’d rather not be in, you have the power to change it in an instant.

 

By Bill Carmody
From INC.com

There have been several books written on the subject of happiness, including several from Tal Ben-Shahar (Happier, Even Happier, and Being Happy) and one from Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh, who wrote Delivering Happiness. All great books if you’re looking for a deep dive into the subject of happiness. But I came across a quote from the Dalai Lama that really nailed it for me:

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”

That’s the secret to happiness. More specifically, your right actions will lead to increased levels of happiness. What are the right actions? The first one is gratitude. You cannot simultaneously hold emotions such as fear, loathing, jealousy, and hatred while also being grateful. If you are feeling stressed out, anxious, or generally bummed out, the fastest way back to happiness is a deep focus on gratitude. This can be accomplished with 10 to 15 minutes of focused meditation. The focus of the meditation being, “What three things are you truly grateful for?”

But wait, deep thoughts of gratitude are not action, right? And the secret to happiness comes from your own actions, so it’s not enough to think thoughts of gratitude. Instead, actions must be taken. In this case, it is the act of expressing your appreciation to the people for whom you are most grateful. In fact, it’s more important to tell someone how much you appreciate them than to tell them you love them. That’s because love means different things to different people, but appreciation is universal. The act of expressing gratitude to those you love will immediately affect your level of happiness.

A second action that leads to happiness is the act of giving. Recall the classic wisdom, “It is better to give than to receive.” This has been proven by researchers in several experiments and is the subject of several TED Talks. The act of giving immediately changes your physiology, especially when you give to someone who is clearly in need. The selfless act of giving without any expectation of receiving brings out an emotional energy that fills you with a sense of purpose and accomplishment. The act of giving releases a feeling inside of you that you have made a real and significant difference in the life of someone else. You cannot help but feel happy when you have positively affected the life of someone else.

And the third action is one I learned at an early age from my grandmother: simply pretend to be happy and soon you won’t be pretending. This one really surprised me, as I was sure that she was mistaken. How could you simply pretend to feel something that you don’t authentically feel and then it becomes your reality? Then I tried it, and sure enough, it works every time. Even as you read this, if you choose to smile as you read this sentence, notice what happens to you. Keep your smile while you read this sentence too and notice that you almost want to laugh. Now go ahead and chuckle, or if you’re by yourself (or don’t feel self-conscious), then give yourself permission to laugh out loud.

It’s simply not possible to smile and laugh and feel unhappy. Your physical state influences your emotional state and vice versa. If you want to feel happy right this instant, then smile and laugh and notice your happiness levels increase. If you then combine this act with the other two (giving and gratitude), you can maintain your happiness beyond the moment.

Happiness comes from your own actions. Simply put, happiness is a choice. We choose to be happy or we choose not to be happy. If you find yourself in an emotional state that you’d rather not be in, you have the power to change it in an instant. Sustained levels of happiness come from the actions you take. When you give to others and show your gratitude, you will increase your levels of happiness. The more you give and the more you tell people how much you appreciate them, the happier you will be. Fill your days with smiles and laughter and the feeling of happiness will grow inside of you. Eventually, happiness will become your default emotion rather than something you access occasionally.

Life is a choice, and your happiness comes from your own actions. Choose to be happy and choose to take the actions in life that will sustain the level of happiness you seek. This is the secret to happiness, and I encourage you to take actions that will fill you with the happiness and joy you deserve throughout your life.

 

Image Sources: CryBytes, Getty Images

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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3 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Unsupported in Relationships

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Angry Couple

 

Written By Jennifer Twardowski
From Tiny Buddha

“A community of friends supporting each other can make a world of difference.” ~Unknown

Many of us feel we’re not getting the support we want or deserve in relationships.

Maybe we’ve never felt supported by our friends or family. Maybe we don’t feel supported by our peers or co-workers. Maybe we don’t even feel supported by our partner.

This can leave us feeling drained, tired, and unhappy, like we’re moving through life without much fuel to keep going.

During my adolescence and early adulthood, this was a huge struggle for me. I rarely found a place or group of friends where I felt like I “belonged” and, therefore, I didn’t feel supported. When I did feel supported by others, it only lasted for a few days or weeks before it dissipated.

Today, this has shifted. I feel much more supported in my current relationships and don’t feel nearly as drained as I once did.

There are still moments when I feel like I did growing up, but I’ve realized that opening up to support is a life-long journey. It’s an ongoing process of healing old wounds and allowing ourselves to become something new.

There are three questions that always help me realize what needs to be healed and how I need to shift my perception. If you don’t feel supported in your relationships, ask yourself:

1. Is my story preventing me from receiving support?

Do you tell yourself stories like “Nobody understands me,” “He can’t understand me because he hasn’t experienced what I’ve experienced,” or “I always have to take care of others and nobody can take care of me”?

Or, do you repeatedly tell yourself, “I am never supported in my relationships”?

Whatever your specific story is, it blocks you from receiving the support you desire.

Some other stories that prevent you from receiving support include: “If I tell others about my problems, it will cause them more stress,” “If I share this with others, they will judge me,” “I need to give to others in order to be loved,” and “If I want something from others, I won’t be loved.”

Formerly, I told myself the story “I will be a burden to others if I seek help and support.”

I’d think this at work when I needed extra help or a day off, so I’d feel hesitant to communicate this to coworkers. I’d also think this when going through tough times, which made me feel scared to open up to friends, so none of them would know what I was feeling.

When we acknowledge our stories, we are then able to shift our perception and open ourselves to receiving support from others.

2. Am I reaching out to others for support?

Often when we feel like we are not receiving what we desire from others it’s because we are not open to receiving. It’s as if we have a little shop set up for business, but we have all the doors locked!

Be sure to tell others when you are going through a difficult time. Ask people for help rather than to try to figure it all out on your own.

By letting people know that we are seeking support, we’re much more likely to receive it.

3. Am I supporting myself? 

What we experience outside of ourselves is often a reflection of whatever we are experiencing within ourselves. If we are not feeling supported by others, then it is likely true that we may not be supporting ourselves.

The key to shifting this is to find ways to feel full and supported within ourselves instead of focusing solely on what we want from others.

This was something I needed to do when dealing with various health issues. For a few years, I failed to address my health problems, which meant others couldn’t support me either.

I would not stay committed to diet and lifestyle changes that I knew would help me. This meant others didn’t have the opportunity to support me because my actions did not show that improving my health was important to me.

Ask yourself: Am I supporting my body when it’s sick or tired by letting it rest? Do I support myself by finding time to do the things that I love to do? Do I give myself the things I know I need—like going to doctor’s appointments when I’m sick or finding a therapist when I’m going through a difficult time?

Then take it a step further and ask yourself: Am I really “myself” when around others? Am I putting myself in relationships with people who truly accept me for who I am? Do I allow myself to share my authentic truth with others?

If we want to be fully supported in all aspects of ourselves, we need to choose to be in relationships where we feel free to be our authentic selves.

This might mean letting go of some relationships and releasing expectations that certain people will suddenly change and be supportive. By being in relationships with others who fully accept us, we are supporting ourselves.

In order to experience the highest degree of love and support in our relationships, we have to really love and support ourselves. So look within and become the master of your own self-care and self-love.

 

Image Sources: Angry couple silhouette via Shutterstock, Huffington Post

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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How to Find Real, Lasting Love Without Looking for It

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Couple in Hawaii

 

Written By Astra Niedra
From Tiny Buddha

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ~Carl Jung

Often when people want a new relationship, they either look for someone to complete them or they imagine sharing their life with someone just like them. So they try to present themselves in the best possible light for their imagined future partner—either as one perfect half of a whole or as an ideal version of what they believe their future partner will want.

In my experience, finding your soul mate requires a different, far more soul-enriching approach. Here are six steps that worked for me:

1. Stop looking for your soul mate and find the missing parts of you.

This may sound counterintuitive, but it’s exactly how I met my husband. I stopped looking for “the one” after a two-year relationship ended, which I had believed was the one. I decided to turn my attention inward—to get to know and accept myself, to heal past wounds, and to explore and develop new parts of myself.

Previously, I needed to be with someone in order to feel content, to have someone love me in order to feel loved. Breaking up with past boyfriends was so painful because it felt as if I was breaking up, as if I was being torn from a part of myself.

What I discovered was that I had to learn to be whole. And when I started to work on that, my life changed.

2. Live your life as you want to live it.

When I started to discover more about myself and to follow my own path, I started to live a life that was meaningful to me. I was no longer following someone else’s rules and ideas about what I should do.

This can disappoint some people close to you, such as your family. But if you want to find fulfillment in your life, you have to fulfill yourself, not someone else!

And doing what is right for you means you will be in places, jobs, and near people that are aligned with your life path, and with you. So you will have a much better chance of meeting your soul mate, because your soul mate will also be connected to your life path.

3. Stop trying to appeal to an imagined, potential partner.

A side effect of leading the life you choose is that you automatically become more attractive. You become more real, authentic, substantial, valuable, passionate, happy, and present. This makes you more beautiful in a natural and effortless way, and it will also make you attractive to your soul mate.

Whereas when you try to make yourself attractive in order to find someone, you alter the way you behave and present yourself so that if your soul mate were to show up, he or she might not even recognize you.

So just be yourself, whether that means you dress in corporate attire or resort wear, or casual clothing or more formal, or if your preference changes at different times.

You don’t need to be a particular weight or have large biceps or wear uncomfortable shoes if you don’t like them. Go to the gym only if you love it, do yoga if you love it, walk or surf or cycle if you enjoy those activities.

A partner who you will be with over the long term will not make a decision about your worth based on a superficial aspect of your appearance. So tap into what feels right for you, do the activities you enjoy, wear the clothes that suit you and in which you feel comfortable.

You will be far more attractive to your soul mate if you look like yourself when you meet them.

4. If you are attracted to particular qualities in someone else, find or develop those qualities in yourself.

Most of us express only a small part of who we are. We limit ourselves to the personality—or self—we have become in response to our childhood environment. This is an unavoidable stage in our developmental process because we have to form a self—or ego—that enables us to survive and hopefully thrive in our family and social setting.

And the way we do that is by developing characteristics that meet our survival needs and pushing away any characteristics that aren’t valued or needed.

So we all have hidden or disowned parts of ourselves that at some point we need to unearth.

When we haven’t yet unearthed and embraced our disowned parts, we are drawn into relationships with others who express those parts. It is like we are unconsciously trying to complete ourselves through our relationships.

These relationships usually involve intense attraction at first and are characterized by feelings of completeness. But inevitably, they become stifled by strong relationship patterns that form where people get stuck relating to one another from one main part of themselves that bonds with its opposite in the other person. These are called bonding patterns.”

So, for example, a very responsible man might become a “responsible father” in relation to his partner’s inner “pleasing daughter,” and a nurturing woman might become a “nurturing mother” to her partner’s inner “needy son.”

If the woman doesn’t become conscious of her own responsibility, she will rely on her partner to be responsible. And if the man doesn’t connect with his nurturing side, he will want to be nurtured by her. But then when stresses and vulnerabilities arise in the relationship, these bonding patterns turn negative, and the partners turn on each other.

I am so grateful to have learned about bonding patterns because the awareness of them not only helps enormously in my relationship, but they also act as a guide for which parts of myself I have lost connection to.

Because bonding patterns are the natural way that we give and receive love, they are unavoidable. And no matter how conscious we become, there is always something that’s unconscious! But bonding patterns can be navigated successfully.

When you become aware that you are attracted to other people because of what you have disowned in yourself, and then work on owning those qualities in yourself, your relationships transform. I

If you are in a relationship already and you begin this process, then as you and your partner reclaim your disowned selves, you start to become more fully yourselves with each other and your relationship will become richer.

5. Engage with life; accept the gifts that are offered to you.

The night I met my husband a friend had invited me to a party hosted by one of her friends, and at first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go.

I was tempted to decline the invitation because I didn’t know the person whose party it was, and it was a Sunday night, so I had work the next day. But I didn’t have a compelling reason not to go and I had promised myself that I would accept the gifts life offered me, such as saying yes to invitations that seemed to come from nowhere. And this was one of those.

When I got to that party, there he was: my future husband, with whom I have had three children and twenty-five years of a wonderful life together.

Was I looking for someone when I went to that party?

No. And it was a surprise to meet him there. If I had been intentionally looking for a partner, I probably would not have even spoken to my husband that night.

When you look at each person you encounter as if you are screening them for a job with a life-long contract, it changes the organic flow of events and natural connection that forms with the people you encounter. It is also off-putting to be evaluated as a “catch” and it is likely to make people run from you!

The simplest way to stop assessing others as potential life partners is to just stop looking for a partner and connect with the people you meet with genuine interest. Then enjoy the type of relationship that naturally develops—or doesn’t—whether that’s a friendship, a business connection, or a bond based on a mutual interest.

6. When you meet someone, don’t hurry things; allow the relationship to unfold.

When you meet someone you have a good connection with, allow that connection to develop and grow. If the person is a soul mate, he or she will also be into you, so if you both pay genuine attention to each other then something will develop.

There is no need to play games or to try particular seduction techniques or to achieve milestones by a particular time. A successful long-term relationship is not a game.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you had to manipulate into it? Do you want your partner to be enchanted by an image you have created so that you have to hide yourself in some way? Or do you want your partner to love you wholeheartedly? What kind of relationship do you want to bring children into if you end up having them?

Each relationship is unique, just as each person is unique, so how your relationship unfolds will be unique too. You can’t plan for it to go a particular way. You have to engage with the process of it and with each other, and then make decisions as you go. There is no one line you can say, no one action you can take, that will lead to a particular result.

All you can do is live your life more fully, learn to accept and love yourself more fully, and you will love and be loved more fully.

 

Image Sources: Couple in Hawaii image via Shutterstock, Huffington Post

Follow Drew on Instagram!

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say!

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Written By Banu Sekendur
From Wake Up World

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say 1I used to be someone who didn’t keep most of her promises.

In the heat of the moment, possibly due to my excitement of the connection, I would tell the person that I would do something for them or with them, but wouldn’t follow through… most of the time. I would watch myself make promises that I knew I wasn’t willing to follow-up on, but I made them anyway! I felt like a train out of control, heading towards a major crash – I just could not stop!

The Wake-Up Call

I started feeling badly about myself as I doubted my own word. If I said, “I am going to start doing yoga again”, it felt empty inside. My words felt like lies as they dripped out of my mouth. Socially, I withdrew from people because I couldn’t face seeing them at a party or a networking event, knowing that I hadn’t delivered what I had said I would.

I hit my rock bottom when someone I liked and respected called me out on my failure to stand behind my word. By not delivering my promise, I had damaged the trust between us badly. In fact I knew that it was irreparable from the look on his face.

I needed that wake up call. The shrieking ring of this unexpected call pierced through the walls of my calcified ego pattern. Sometimes, when we’ve been stuck in a pattern for so long, a rock-bottom-type-of-experience needs to happen. One where we lose face, respect, connection, love or approval. It has to hit us on a survival level for it to open our eyes wide enough for us to see the train that is about to fly off the bridge – at full speed. I believe that is what I experienced.

My professional life as a false-promise-maker was officially over!

That night I went home and locked myself in the bedroom. I felt like crap. I thought, “If the words that comes out of my own mouth are not to be trusted, then what do I have to offer to the world?” It was the right question to ask and I was terrified of the answer. I had a good reason to be.

The Conscious Promise

It felt like a scene from a cartoon movie. All the promises I had failed to keep had turned into a snowball and had crushed me. I had gotten the message. – loud and clear – and after that experience I swore to not make promises that I can’t keep anymore.

Suddenly, I felt stronger!

This inner resolve made me feel like a good person again – one who had something to offer the planet besides her empty promises. This truth was coming deep from within my soul. It felt like gravity. Real. Unshakeable. I knew deep in my cells that the price of breaking this promise would be the costliest of all broken promises.

Now, I do my very best to keep my promises and don’t make promises I can’t keep.

It is not perfect, but the follow-up is always there. If I can’t keep it due to some unforeseen factors, then I inform the person so they don’t feel dropped and I don’t damage the trust between us. I apply this value to even my random Craigslist correspondences. People usually appreciate the follow-through and feel valued. Then I feel even better about who I am. This is a good cycle I plan to keep rolling in.

The Epiphany

I realized that it doesn’t take that much for us to feel better about who we are. We don’t really need to be perfect to feel good about ourselves. I’ve never been perfect, but I know what feeling good about who I am is like now. It feels like a million bucks! If my word is solid, I’ve got nothing to worry about.

Without changing anything else, if we make a vow to be true to our word, to keep our promises (including the ones we make to ourselves) and kept practicing that, we can start making big strides towards unshakable self-worth. When we trust ourselves, we can trust life, let alone other people.

The Unexpected Gift

I am experiencing an unexpected benefit from practicing my vow. People who have trust issues are able to eventually trust me (in their own time) by witnessing me say what I mean, mean what I say and follow through with my word. It indirectly teaches them what to look for in people – for them to develop trust – instead of just blankly distrusting everyone they encounter. It offers them consistency and predictability. They see that some people can be trusted. It becomes a healing practice and creates orgasmic ripple effects in my psyche.

The one question you can ask yourself to begin trusting your own words is, “In which ways do I compromise the integrity of my word?”

Believe me, I know that it is not an easy one to ask. It may even make you cringe. That’s a good sign, as it means that the awareness of ‘what doesn’t feel authentic’ has arrived, and that there are ripe fruits on that tree of awareness ready to be picked.

Only YOU can pick them. Those fruits may have a somewhat bitter coating but the juicy, sweet, luscious part is worth enduring the initial shudder.

I hope you are ready for some harvesting!

 

Image Source: Huffington Post

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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Being Too Nice Can Contribute to Depression

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Written By Elzbieta Pettingill
From Wake Up World

How Being Too Nice Can Contribute to DepressionThere is such a thing as being too nice, too giving and too caring. To overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending over to gain people’s approval. I know, it’s easier said than done. But no one said it’d be easy.

Those who are affected by depression tend to be people-pleasers. And yet, ironically, quite often their actions are viewed by others as selfish and self-centered. For over three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was selfish and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I also thought that it didn’t matter what I thought. That my opinion was less important than anyone else’s. It seemed as if I was always living someone else’s life.

Finally, after two major brain seizures caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else’s life and looked deep within…

Someone Else’s Life

I was the child who was “too young to understand things” and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by the grown ups, who weren’t able to see the serious damage caused by the primitive belief such as; “children should be seen but not heard.” Then later, I became an young adult, clinging to any guy who’d find anything whatsoever appealing in me. At that time my looks seemed to have the only value in the eyes of others.

I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I am. I was a “slave” to anyone who was willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered my thoughts into the direction that led others to benefit from it more than I did.

How tiring was that!? How exhausting it is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it…

All this, so you can can keep deluding yourself that someone cares about you, at least enough to stick around. For a while, at least… ’til they get tired of it.

Then what do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward in a lightening speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no tomorrow for you…

Well, there is. And it’s a bright one, too!

You’ve heard the phrase: “You teach people how to treat you” but you’ve ignored it so far. Maybe because when you did try to stand up for yourself it always seemed to have back fired. You might even had finally snapped and told others to fuck off, which they deserved to hear, only to find yourself being labeled as too aggressive and not “lady-like.”

Well dear, who the f**k gives a damn? Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you – it shouldn’t be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY.

There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you.

There is only one person who needs your caring the most, and yes, you’ve guessed it –  it’s you again.

Being Too Nice Can Contribute to Depression - Alexander Pope quote (Difference Vice Virtue)

Just remember this: if you care too much – others will care too little… If you remain too available – others will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture…

You will encounter resistance from those around you when you start making those long-overdue changes, but that’s OK. Have fun with it. See that sense of amusement on their faces and that sense of disbelief… Stare back at them without blinking.

Be prepared to deal with the consequences of having the courage to do what’s right for you. In your mind let go of the fear of not having that job in case your boss decides to fire you. Maybe it means it’s time to do something else for a living.

Be ready to let go of your significant other if s/he continues to refuse to treat you in a new, more loving and respectful way.

Make yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with being with… YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. You’ve been accused of it so many times before, now it’s time for you to show others (and yourself) how selfish you can really be! Show them that you mean business… :)

Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It’s time to release it.

Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone.

This is how you start to love yourself…

 

Image Source: Gordon Chalmers/Flickr

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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40 Things You Need to Stop Worrying About

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Written By Kelly Fitzpatrick
From Greatist

We’ve all got things that send us on an anxiety tailspin. But freak out no more. While worrying can be beneficial in some instances, certain fears just aren’t worth the headache. We’ve got 40 things to stop worrying about right now, and tips for how to keep them in check.

Money

 

1. Bouncing a Check

We know worrying about finances is the top source of stress for most people, and bouncing a check isn’t exactly the height of fiscal responsibility . But for those who go into a cold sweat every time they bust out a checkbook, keep in mind the penalty for bouncing a check typically isn’t huge—about $30 on average. To prevent a problem, ask the bank about overdraft protection, and consider switching banks if yours doesn’t offer it.

2. Paying Rent Late

Paying bills can be a huge source of anxiety, especially when a late fee is involved. But there’s no need to stress too much about forgetting to drop off the rent check before heading out of town. First, if the due date falls on a weekend or holiday, the check typically isn’t considered late until the next business day. Plus, most landlords include a few day grace period where rent is not considered late (and subject to those pesky fees!). Refer to your lease to determine your landlord’s specific policy on a grace period and late fees.

3. The Cash-Only Restaurant

Most of us have been there: The check arrives and that formerly adorable little café turns into a nightmare — cash only?! First, understand the waiter or cashier probably sees this all the time, so there’s no need to panic. Ask to borrow the cash from a pal or date and then immediately go together to an ATM to pay them back. If alone, ask the waiter for the nearest ATM and head there; plastic-free places are typically pretty trusting. In the future, scan the menu for a cash-only warning before ordering, or check review sites, such as Yelp and Foursquare, which usually list whether cards are accepted.

4. Paying at the End of the Meal

The arrival of the check after a meal can miraculously halt all conversation and merriment. If the meals cost about the same, offer to split things evenly. If others want to split things evenly but there’s a big discrepancy in price, feel free to say so—being calm and assertive (not to be confused with aggressive) will get the message across without making you seem cheap. Next time, ask for separate checks before ordering. It’ll send other diners the message that everyone is paying their own way.

Social Life

 

5. Your Pal Has a Booger Hanging Out

Those of us who are easily embarrassed are less likely to tell others they have a tag showing, food in their teeth, or even, yes, a booger hanging out of their nose. But chances are most people will be relieved— temporarily embarrassed too, but mostly relieved—to be informed. And next time we can count on that pal to be on booger patrol for us.

6. Inviting Overnight Guests

Afraid the lumpy pull-out sofa isn’t up to snuff or the dog will keep guests up all night? If the concern is impeding quality time with good pals, address it—that time with friends is essential to our physical and emotional health. Try, “I’d love for you to stay with me, but all we have is an air mattress.” If your pals aren’t down for snuggling next to Fido, trust that they’ll get a hotel. If they say it’s fine, though, take them at their word and get on with the fun stuff.

7. Wearing the Wrong Outfit

The pile of rejected outfits is growing, but still nothing seems to fit the bill. Rest assured, clothing is actually not the first thing most women notice about each other—it’s their waist size. And studies suggest men remember even less about others’ appearance than women do . And who wants to impress people that prioritize clothing (or waist size!) so highly anyway?

8. Last Night’s Drunk Texts

Throwing back a few too many last night probably means your phone is filled with regrettable texts. Handle the clean-up calmly—if the messages are simply embarrassing but otherwise inoffensive, send something along the lines of: “Sry abt those texts, had a bit too much to drink!” If the texts were potentially upsetting, though, pick up the phone. Calmly apologize (yep, there’s a right way to apologize) and try to make it up to them—getting to see you miserably hungover at brunch should do the trick.

9. Forgetting to Call a Friend

Whether it was a true slipup or an “accident,” there’s no need to feel like a jerk. Wait until there’s actually time to chat (not in between errands, while watching TV, or any other time you can only devote partial attention) and then call back. Quickly apologize for the mistake and move on to more important matters, like what’s going on in their life—after all, meaningful talks are important for both parties.

10. Telling a White Lie

The best rule we could find for white lies is this: They’re okay when protecting others, but plain dishonest when they protect the liar. (“Oh no! The dog must have knocked over that vase” won’t fly.) The goal in telling a fib should be showing compassion, but many of us can still feel frantic when grasping at something positive to say about an ugly baby or a less than delicious dinner. Instead of all-out lying, mention one thing you like. (“Wow, your son’s eyes are such a great color!”) Awkwardness averted.

11. Making a Freudian Slip

We really did mean to tell that busty woman her idea was “the best,” it just came out wrong—and studies show subconscious factors can cause a verbal slipup . At this point, dwelling on it only makes things weirder for everyone involved. If it can be glossed over, do so. If not, go with: “Geez, sorry about that. I haven’t had enough coffee today, so I’m half asleep.”

12. A Bad Haircut

This fear can drive us to spend hundreds on haircuts, but there’s no need. The worst-case scenario is a less-than-great haircut for a few weeks (seriously, even the beauty-obsessed will recover), but chances are it’s an opportunity for new hair accessories. Most important, stay confident about whatever ’do you end up with: One study found subjects’ self-confidence about teeth—not necessarily the appearance of their pearly whites—was a better predictor of their well-being .

Working and Networking

 

13. Being Late For an Interview

Whenever possible, alert the interviewer as soon as you realize you’ll be late. Once the interview’s begun, apologize and offer a brief explanation. (Just don’t blame it on someone else, since most employers won’t want to hire someone who likes to shift blame.) Then move on. Dwelling on it (whether its out loud or in our heads) will only worsen the rest of the meeting.

14. Forgetting Someone’s Name

When bumping into a semi-stranger out and about, take the opportunity to introduce whoever’s in tow (like a child or significant other). Hopefully the other person will say his/her own name. In a professional situation? Politely confess the name is escaping you and ask again. To avoid that sticky situation in the first place, try to commit names to memory by repeating and visualizing the name .

15. Not Responding to an Email

Ugh, an email has been sitting in your inbox for two weeks, and now you don’t even know whether to respond at all. Do it! Write that it slipped through the cracks and then address the issue at hand. In the future, try to respond to every email within 24 hours if only to say, “I’ll be able to get to this on ____ date.” And remember, almost all of us have done this.

16. Taking a Day Off

Some of us panic whenever we think about taking a day off, but personal time away from the office is essential. Banish worries by first being honest: Rather than playing sick, schedule a day off here and there whenever it might be needed (i.e. right after a huge presentation)—that eliminates all the Ferris Bueller-style panic. Then completely unplug. Set up an out-of-office message on email and turn off your phone.

17. A Tough Meeting With Your Boss

That request for a raise is coming out a lot more like stutters and suddenly we notice we’re wearing footie pajamas. (Phew, that was just a nightmare.) Prep for a big meeting by actually writing down what needs to be said. Don’t read it like a script, but skim it beforehand until the main points stick. Then remember, what’s the worst that could happen? The boss will say no to that raise, but probably stop short of giving us the boot.

18. Being Late for Fido’s Evening Stroll

If an extra 30 minutes at work causes an anxiety attack about the pooch, chances are that 30 minutes won’t be put to good use. While it’s great for dog owners to be concerned about getting the pup plenty of exercise, it’ll usually be pretty obvious if the dog’s not getting enough outdoor time. Look for weight gain or hyperactivity—if there are no negative signals, don’t fret too much about being late for this appointment.

Romantic Relationships

 

19. The Possibility of Cheating on Your Significant Other

No need to let a little harmless flirting (keyword: harmless) leave us rife with guilt. People wary of getting too attached to another person are most likely to stray—but remember, we do actually choose whether or not we cheat . So calmly remind yourself of the importance of the relationship and remember you’re in control. It should help put things in perspective.

20. The Possibility of Being Cheated On

Chances are being suspicious and worried about cheating will not reduce the chances of it happening. Being trusting and open to the possibility (that’s possibility, not probability) of being hurt is essential in a lasting relationship . Plus, anyone who’d cheat isn’t worth worrying about.

21. Not Getting Along With the In-Laws

About 60 percent of women and 15 percent of men say they have a tough relationship with in-laws, so don’t worry about being the only one. But to avoid the strain, change the expectations—many women expect to be unconditionally loved and embraced like a daughter while her mother-in-law plans to be treated as the authority when it comes to her kid. Just accept that marriage won’t make everyone get along.

22. A Bad First Date

First dates go badly. There, we said it. But no need to worry, seeing as that will only contribute sweaty pits and a trembling voice to the mix. Instead try to focus on what the other person has to say and engage with them to forget about your own nerves. In fact, just knowing the other person is equally nervous can make us feel better—and make the date go more smoothly !

23. Being Bad in Bed

Men say the only way to be bad in bed is to not be into it—which is a lot more likely when worrying about being bad in bed. No matter your partner’s gender, the best way to ensure good sex is to constantly look and ask for feedback. But remember, a lot goes into “good sex” for women, like their mindset and feelings about the relationship, so out-of-the-bedroom changes could make a difference too .

24. Being Rejected

Just go ask them! Studies have found some people are more sensitive to rejection and those people tend to sit and think about the potential rejection more than others . Sound familiar? Stop thinking and start doing!

Health

 

25. Getting Sick

Whether there’s a big event coming up or flu season is on its way, we almost all occasionally worry about getting sick. Instead, focus on positive changes, like eating well and staying active. Annual check-ups should help quell nerves, but otherwise, worrying about it isn’t much help. In fact, stress could increase risk of illness.

26. Chronic Headaches

There’s no need to assume frequent headaches are a symptom of a brain tumor. They could also be the result of that daily cup of Joe, rebounding from pain medication, or even a heavy bag. Sure, ask a doc if the pain persists, but don’t jump to any conclusions.

27. Shedding Hair

It’s completely normal to shed a lot—up to 100 hairs per day. Losing more than 125 hairs per day is considered excessive, but still reversible. For example, stress or poor diet could be to blame .

28. Forgetting to Wash Your Face Before Bed

Don’t worry, it’s not a recipe for insta-breakout. Actually, poor hygiene isn’t a cause of acne — oil production and dead skin cells are. Don’t make it a habit, but don’t freak out if you hit the sheets before scrubbing up.

29. Sharing Toiletries and Cosmetics With Pals

Stop the presses! This just in: Sharing earrings or even a toothbrush with a friend is probably safe. We were shocked, too. While lipstick could spread herpes, that toothbrush is A-okay (well, still weird, but y’know). And as long as piercings are healed (that’s typically six weeks after getting pierced), they won’t be infected by someone else’s earrings.

30. Being Scatterbrained

Your house keys are at the office, your cell phone’s in a cab, and your cat’s birthday went uncelebrated. These mishaps probably aren’t signs of Alzheimer’s disease—it’s more likely you’re just stressed, anxious, or plain getting older. (Age-related memory loss might start by age 45 .) Try doing just one task at a time (first send an email, then walk out the door) to fight forgetfulness .

Cooking and Eating

 

31. That Milk Expired Yesterday

Expiration dates aren’t always the last word on food freshness, and terms like sell-by and use-by can get confusing. Some foods last longer, and some (like meat) actually may not survive at home until the store’s sell-by date. Appearance, smell, and taste are usually good guidelines though.

32. Swallowing Gum

Time to put this myth to bed. Gum will not stay in your stomach for years on end. For kiddos it could cause an intestinal blockage, but it’d take significantly more than one piece.

33. Not Getting Enough Protein

Sure, protein’s definitely important. But most people don’t need to worry about not eating enough. It’s easy to reach the recommended daily allowance (around 50 grams for adults) with just a few servings of legumes, dairy, and/or meat.

34. Eating an Indulgent Dessert

That cupcake was freakin’ delicious. No need to beat ourselves up about it. Dwelling on eating a “bad” food makes eating healthy in the future harder, not easier.

Accidents and Disasters

 

35. Bed Bugs

Getting a bed bug infestation would really, really suck. The good news: Scientists have not found bed bugs transmit any diseases to humans. Avoid an infestation with precautionary measures, but there’s no need to burn down the house if bed bugs turn up. Instead, call a pro to assess the situation and offer next steps.

36. Dropping Your Phone in the Toilet

There’s no such thing as true prevention here, so focus on preparation. Immediately yank it back out of the toilet. If possible, immediately remove the battery without stopping to shut down (if not, just immediately power off). If there was anything but water involved, rinse the phone with fresh water. Take the phone apart as much as possible before putting it somewhere to dry for three days, and covering it in rice might help wick away moisture—yeah, seriously. Of course, there are always waterproof cases to prevent this catastrophe in the first place.

37. Losing a Wallet

While it’s inconvenient, losing a wallet is not the end of the world. These days almost everything in a wallet is replaceable (if not, take it out of that wallet now—including a social security card). When in public, allow 15 minutes to calmly retrace steps and search for the wallet (at home, allow an hour). Then start canceling credit cards. Make a list of account numbers and associated phone numbers to keep safely at home, along with contact info for the DMV.

Transportation

 

38. Missing an Oil Change

Modern engine oil typically doesn’t need to be changed every 3,000 miles or three months as we’ve always been told. First, check the car’s manual, which may actually recommend less frequent changes. Then, if the car has an oil monitoring system, we can safely rely on that to tell us when an oil change is actually necessary. Of course, there’s the old-fashioned method, too: just check the oil.

39. The Possibility of Falling on Train Tracks

One study found that over 13 years, there was an average of 25 homicidal or accidental subway deaths per year in NYC. That’s out of about 1.5 billion trips (on NYC’s MTA alone) per year. Sure, stand away from the tracks, but no need to fear for your life.

40. Using Electronics During Takeoff and Landing

Yeah, it could get us kicked off the plane or—more likely—dressed down by the flight attendant, but chances are forgetting to turn off our Kindles did not just send the plane off in the wrong direction. The FAA doesn’t actually have proof electronics can mess with the plane’s navigation, but it’s still a regulation. The takeaway: Power down when told to, but if something accidentally stays on, there’s no need to panic.

 

Image Source: Sikorski

Follow Drew on Instagram!

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.