All posts in “depression”

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Being Too Nice Can Contribute to Depression

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Written By Elzbieta Pettingill
From Wake Up World

How Being Too Nice Can Contribute to DepressionThere is such a thing as being too nice, too giving and too caring. To overcome depression you must stop the habit of bending over to gain people’s approval. I know, it’s easier said than done. But no one said it’d be easy.

Those who are affected by depression tend to be people-pleasers. And yet, ironically, quite often their actions are viewed by others as selfish and self-centered. For over three decades I believed in that crap myself. I believed I was selfish and self-involved. I was convinced I had nothing to offer. I also thought that it didn’t matter what I thought. That my opinion was less important than anyone else’s. It seemed as if I was always living someone else’s life.

Finally, after two major brain seizures caused by a suicide attempt, I stopped living someone else’s life and looked deep within…

Someone Else’s Life

I was the child who was “too young to understand things” and therefore to make decisions. My life was run by the grown ups, who weren’t able to see the serious damage caused by the primitive belief such as; “children should be seen but not heard.” Then later, I became an young adult, clinging to any guy who’d find anything whatsoever appealing in me. At that time my looks seemed to have the only value in the eyes of others.

I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t who I am. I was a “slave” to anyone who was willing to have me in their life. The fear of rejection always steered my thoughts into the direction that led others to benefit from it more than I did.

How tiring was that!? How exhausting it is having to constantly put others before your own self! And how little reward you get at the end of it…

All this, so you can can keep deluding yourself that someone cares about you, at least enough to stick around. For a while, at least… ’til they get tired of it.

Then what do you do when the inevitable happens and when they leave? You blame yourself, of course. Consciously, or subconsciously, your already low self-esteem gets reinforced. It spirals downward in a lightening speed and you get even more depressed, thinking that there is no tomorrow for you…

Well, there is. And it’s a bright one, too!

You’ve heard the phrase: “You teach people how to treat you” but you’ve ignored it so far. Maybe because when you did try to stand up for yourself it always seemed to have back fired. You might even had finally snapped and told others to fuck off, which they deserved to hear, only to find yourself being labeled as too aggressive and not “lady-like.”

Well dear, who the f**k gives a damn? Who cares what others think and, or say? Let me just remind you – it shouldn’t be you. There is only one person in this entire world whose opinion should matter to you, and that is YOU and you ONLY.

There is only one person in this entire Universe that needs your pleasing, and that person is you.

There is only one person who needs your caring the most, and yes, you’ve guessed it –  it’s you again.

Being Too Nice Can Contribute to Depression - Alexander Pope quote (Difference Vice Virtue)

Just remember this: if you care too much – others will care too little… If you remain too available – others will always remain too busy for you. Without even being apologetic about it, people will always make you wait for them, making you feel as if your time is not nearly as valuable as theirs. You get the picture…

You will encounter resistance from those around you when you start making those long-overdue changes, but that’s OK. Have fun with it. See that sense of amusement on their faces and that sense of disbelief… Stare back at them without blinking.

Be prepared to deal with the consequences of having the courage to do what’s right for you. In your mind let go of the fear of not having that job in case your boss decides to fire you. Maybe it means it’s time to do something else for a living.

Be ready to let go of your significant other if s/he continues to refuse to treat you in a new, more loving and respectful way.

Make yourself OK with being alone for now. Make yourself comfortable with being with… YOU. Get to know yourself. Find out exactly what your needs and desires are and then become unstoppable in fulfilling them! Be selfish. You’ve been accused of it so many times before, now it’s time for you to show others (and yourself) how selfish you can really be! Show them that you mean business… :)

Renounce the guilt. Let go of it. Completely. It’s time to release it.

Be your number one. Be bold. Be spontaneous. Learn to be yourself in every situation and around everyone.

This is how you start to love yourself…

 

Image Source: Gordon Chalmers/Flickr

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

Mindset Monday – How to Deal with Depression?

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Get the mp3/podcast of this episode free on iTunes.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.– Dale Carnegie

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I just received this email from one of our fans saying,

“Drew, I’ve tried everything and I feel like there is no hope. I have less than $100.00 in the bank, I’m 50 pounds overweight and I have no food in the fridge. Sometimes I feel like killing myself.”

Life is a struggle. Life will throw curve balls at you, it will humble you, it will attempt to break you down. And just when you think things are starting to look up, life will smack you back down with ruthless indifference. The quicker you understand this, the faster you will be able to bounce back!

Right now you are most likely in a fight or flight state. It’s hard to think creatively about survival when you are in this zone. This zone is not conducive to creating abundance. So, what is the fastest way out of this situation?

In this week’s mindset Monday, I’m going to share with you 3 tools on how get out of this state.

Tool # 1 – Be Grateful

Tool # 2 – Volunteer

Tool # 3 – Exercise

These are helpful tools that will make life a lot easier to engage with. So let’s look closely at each of them.

Tool 1 – Be Grateful 

Getting grateful produces oxytocin in your brain.

Oxytocin is like a love drug. It is a neurotransmitter that acts as a hormone. Oxytocin is released in the body when we feel safe and connected and tells the brain, “Everything is all right.” Dr. Paul Zak has determined that the human brain naturally produces oxytocin during breast-feeding, orgasm, hugs, snuggling, holding hands, partner dance, massage, bodywork, and prayer, gratitude and many other forms.

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An easy way to express gratitude daily is to simply write someone a note, call them or even open up a door for them. If we give more,  we remove that baggage that we feel in our back for the depression that we feel.

Tool 2 – Volunteer

The reason we get so down on ourselves is because we are too busy analyzing our own inner worlds that we shut out everyone else. If you really want to change your vibration quickly start doing stuff for others.  Volunteer for others.

If you do this, you will finally realize that it’s not all about you. You will finally realize that life isn’t that bad.

You’ll start to realize that there is hope after all. You will finally realize that you can transcend whatever hard situation you’re going through.

Tool 3 – Exercise

Move your body.

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Everyone gets the blues now and then, and some people are a little moodier than others. But depression is an entirely different scenario. In fact, it’s the leading cause of disability in the United States for people between the ages of 15 and 44 [source: National Institute of Mental Health].

An easy way to get out from this stage is to set a physical goal. Start setting short-term goals or even long-term.

Achieving a physical goal, like running a 10K, is great for someone suffering from depression because depressed people generally have poor self-images. And beyond the goal-oriented therapeutic benefit, endorphins can really help pick up a person’s mood.

Once you start creating those goals, the motivations are going to set in and you’ll feel like a new person.

We don’t have all the answers. But we want you to feel that you belong to a bigger community.

If you really feel so down in the dump, too depressed, tap on the greater community around you. Ask for help from a psychologist, consult to a priest or pastor, talk to your parents, seek assistance from a life coach and many others. There are a lot of people who can help you, but you only have to let them in.

Life was never meant to be a struggle. You may not believe in yourself right now but I’ve been there and I believe in you. Keep pushing forward.

Please leave a comment below here in 7 days and please let me know how these things go!  Better yet, leave a video response!  We love them :) If you know someone that that needs this info, please forward this to them.

If you would like to check out this week’s book, click the book below:

Remember, we’re in this together.

– Drew Canole 

 

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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5 Things You Shouldn’t Say To Someone With Depression

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Written By Kiesha Frue
From Mind Body Green

I’ve had depression for years, and have been in several situations where I’ve tried to exchange words with someone who clearly didn’t understand how to talk with me when I was having one of my “down” days. It was both unproductive for them and harmful to me.

Although depression affects each person differently at different times, it’s better to believe that people with depression usually see the glass half empty, while others see it half full.

And since each person with depression reacts differently, let me tell you from personal experience what family and friends shouldn’t say to someone with the illness.

From one depressed adult to all the non-depressed adults out there, here are the five things I’d like to stop hearing:

1. “I know exactly what you’re going through.”

Unless you suffer from depression yourself, you can’t possibly understand. Saying this will automatically close any channel you were hoping to open for a conversation. Immediately they’ll scoff, or maybe roll their eyes, but they’re probably going to think, “You have no idea,” unless they know with certainty that you’ve been down a similar road.

You’re trying to empathize, and that in itself is great! But saying, “I know what you’re going through,” or, “I understand where you’re coming from,” can come off as patronizing and dismissive.

2. “Suck it up.”

That’s pretty much the opposite of being empathetic.

As much as depressed people wish they could “tough it out” to get over their illness, depression doesn’t work via an on or off switch. Keep in mind depression isn’t a choice; it’s an illness.

3. “Maybe you should try learning from your mistakes.”

Many people think that pointing out flaws will help a person correct past issues. From my experience, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

You’re not informing them of anything they haven’t thought about a thousand times until the brain starts to physically hurt. Trust me on this.

But what you are doing is enforcing this belief — whether it’s true or not — that they’re nothing but a failure. See how this is counterproductive to motivating someone you care about?

4. “You’re just being _____.”

This sounds obvious, but insults can slip out without your noticing or meaning for it to happen. Calling someone with depression “lazy” is one of the more common counterproductive accusations I hear.

No ifs, ands or buts about it. It’s an automatic trigger, insult and personal stab in the gut — this is from all-too-personal experience.

5. “Can I just stop you for a second to say …”

Don’t listen just because you’re waiting to add another point. Listen just to listen, to everything they’re trying to tell you. Chances are, they already think you won’t believe what they’re saying, and simply jumping in without responding or giving feedback to what they’ve told you can solidify that belief.

Nobody wants that.

I hope this list provides you with ways to go about opening a discussion with a loved one who’s suffering from depression. Keep in mind that it’s not your job to light a fire under their butts. What would benefit them more is to actively listen to them, be attentive to their problems, and find a way for the two of you to work through it in a manner that can empower and motivate them!

Talk with, not to them, and you’ll be on your way to a positive discussion.

 

Image Source: Person To Person Solutions

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.

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Investigating Depression – Is It An Effect Of A Common Cause?

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Written by Stephan Gardner from Collective-evolution

There are many opinions about what causes depression, and my purpose here is not to argue with any of them, because I believe they all have merit and are worthy of further investigation. What crosses my path the most, however, is the causal relationship between what you eat and how much you exercise – along with chemical or hormonal deficiencies in the brain – and depression. I’m of the evidence-based understanding that all of these are true causes, but I’m also someone who’s known to always argue until proven otherwise. This marks in me an important scientific trait  – the gift of questioning what was once fact with new information.

Depression: Diet & Exercise?

My argument has always been this: if you’re eating improperly and it’s making you depressed, then why are you eating improperly? If you don’t exercise and you’re causing a chemical imbalance in your brain, why are you not exercising? If you really do have a chemical or hormonal imbalance in the brain, why is that? Is it just a mistake that your brain, claimed to be the most complex thing we know of in the universe besides the universe itself, made a mistake?

Let’s be clear – I’ve never met a client whose depression could not be categorized by one or all of the causes that float around the internet, so I’m not arguing against there being a physical medical cause for depression. But what I have found consistently with all my depressive clients is that imbalanced brains originate from stress traumas. Their brain gets locked into continuously releasing a chemical response to a memory that the person can’t let go, and as a result the brain can’t let it go. I’ve found that my clients who don’t exercise have a reason not to, or can’t see a reason to exercise because their life is so unfulfilling. If you’re not inspired by your life, you tend not to care how your body looks or functions.

I’ve also found that people who don’t eat properly really are not tuned into to their true being. All the people I’ve met who anyone would claim is attractively authentic, eats well. It’s a natural thing to do when you love yourself. But there’s also the other extreme – eating so well that you become depressed that everyone else is eating garbage.

All in all, what I’ve found in my clients corresponds exactly to what I have learned during my studies with many well-informed psychologists – that depression is a function of the brain, and is really an expression of feelings of frustration, disappointment, and worthlessness, all of which are a normal effect of trying to be someone you’re not and/or expecting someone else to be someone they’re not. I’ve had many people argue with me on this and I usually end up saying, “argue for your problem and you deserve to have more of it,” because I’m more interested in solving the challenge than debating causality.

That said, I do want to mention the argument of “I just woke up one day and I had depression,” because I’ve never found this to be true. There’s always something, the night before or close to that morning date, where some area of the person’s life was being massively and suddenly disrupted. But all of our lives undergo changes, so what is it that makes a person more susceptible depression?

The truth is, whenever you are not working on empowering YOUR life, you’re going to be depressed.

Depression A Disease?

I don’t look at depression as a disease. I never did. I look at it as an intelligent brain’s reaction to a person that is too focused on lying about a balanced universe. I see depression as a gift – something that occurs to let you know where to pay more attention and grow out of an uninspiring lifestyle or thinking process. It’s an effect of a cause, but the cause is mostly personal.

Reality is as it is. We make it to be good or bad, but when you keep expecting life to be good when it keeps dropping anvils on you, you’ll eventually feel frustrated and disappointed. That’s 2 out of the 3 core feelings of depression taken care of in one expectation. This is the biggest component that I’ve seen – expecting yourself, another person, or the world to be positive without any negatives; it is seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.

Every depression case I’ve ever had come through my office or my Skype has had this going on. They are avoiding feeling pain and distracting themselves with an illusion that life should only include happiness and pleasure. I’ve met more depressed people who are always trying to be nice than I have people who love being nice and mean. In fact, I’ve seen that the more a person loves both their nice and mean sides, the more they love both sides of others and the world, and the less depressed they are about all of it. As a result, they accomplish more with their lives because they’re not locked into expecting life to be any way other than what it is. They embrace the flow of living and expect both sides to occur at all times.

Then there’s the last one – worthlessness. The easiest way to feel worthless is to compare yourself to others whom you admire or to the vision you have for your life that hasn’t happened yet. This is where depression really got me. I’m someone who has a massive vision to create and it’s easy to look at it and say, “there’s no way I’ll ever get there.” Thing is, I am getting there, and if I can, so can you. What I learned about getting there is that you can embrace the successes of others by honoring your own. I also learned that if you break down your vision into small enough actions, you can achieve it over realistic time-frames. Most importantly though, I learned that you don’t need to get rid of half of yourself or your life to love it. I think that’s the key to solving depression – learning to love life it as it is.

 

Written by Stephan Gardner from Collective-evolution
Image Source: Omvana

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Check out my best selling Amazon book: WHY-DENTITY:17 Practices to Help You Transform Your Mind and Live Your Life’s Purpose – GET IT HERE

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Disclaimer: The techniques, strategies, and suggestions expressed here are intended to be used for educational purposes only.

The author, Drew Canole, and the associated www.fitlife.tv are not rendering medical advice, nor to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, condition, illness, or injury. It is imperative that before beginning any nutrition or exercise program you receive full medical clearance from a licensed physician.

Drew Canole and Fitlife.tv claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material presented here.